I decided to write my last post for 2016 and as I look at my screen I can't even seem to find the words. I am faced with a whirl wind of images, situations, pain, fear, survival, children, fishing, chemo, hospitals, work, vacation, hair loss, hair growth, needles, boating, tubing, Christmas trees, arguments, hugs, kisses, tears hunting, thunderstorms, funerals, family emergencies, doctor visits, new friends, family events, election rants, worries, bad dreams, turning 40, remission, cancer and the list continues.
When I sit down and look at 2016 I think holy shit, what the hell was that!
My family has never gone through more, nor have we accomplished this much. We endured through 18months of cancer fighting bull shit only to to end up here, facing 2017 right in the face. It feels like being at the end of a thunder storm, standing in my front yard oblivious to the damage behind me as I focus on the blue sky infant of me. I can't see what is beyond the horizon, it could be another storm, it could be a lot of sunshine. But I know what ever it is we are ready!
In some aspects 2017 will be my year to recover, find my self and rebuild. 2nd chances in life are often blessings, I'm on my 3rd already. I wake up thankful for breathing, thank full for being able to feel, touch, love and make more memories. That's what it is about right? Memories, both good and bad make life what it is and how you choose to remember things. There is always good in the bad. Trust me, there were many nights I had to look really hard to find it but often it was right in front of me. Find good in what you do, find good in what others do. You will always have someone that brings you down and it's hard, you may work with them daily or it could be random. Don't allow others to make your memories bad, take those bad memories and find good in them, don't keep them buried and evil.
Life can be taken away oh so quickly by illness, accident or intent and it's hardly every by our choice. Don't take tomorrow like its guaranteed, it's not, but don't live life in a bubble. Live life and be happy, take "responsible" risk. With out risk you can't grow, you can't move forward. To better your self, job, role, husband, wife, father, mother, friend you will need to try and yes, you will fail at times but recovering from failure is what tastes so sweet.
My advice for 2016, is to look back at the events you can remember and recognize the things that grew you, what you overcame, what hurt, what failed and focus on your 2017, apply what you have learned.....
Me, I am happy to be hear, nature tried to take me twice and it was close. But it I am still here, recovering daily and still overcoming new obstacles that arise from the dust. I have my 6 month PET scan comping up at the end of January, but I am confident I will be OK. I won't go into 2017 with worry, it won't add a day to my life but only shorten it.
I can start 2017 cancer free, starring into the blue sky, ready to take my risk, ready to grow my self, grow my family and help those still in the storm.
Oh, 2016 you can kiss my ass!