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Sam's Journey

My journey, all it's ups and downs and those who traveled with me, read about page

Latest journal entry

Monday, December 12th,2016

Hello to those that tune in.
It’s been awhile, I know, but there has been so much going on. Not that my life is busy, I mean so much going on in my head.
I look back and I so use to enjoy this time of the year. Starting with Thanksgiving I would cook for days and my house was always full
when it came time to eat. Then moving into Christmas I would decorate and get so excited when I found that one special gift for that one special person.
Three weeks before Christmas was always my tree trimming party. A night I would remember all year. Way to much food and drinks but it was shared with so many
so many friends. If I was to unpack my decorations I would be able to tell you who gave me every decoration. Every year the tree would get better.
Now there are no decorations and I just want this time of the year to go away.
My life is now filled with unknowing, hurt, worry and I am so tired.
Unknowing because of my health. There are days when I feel good but the days I don’t are winning this war.
Hurt because of those who I thought would be there, are not.
Worried because I have no idea how much longer I can on. I am trying to work and pay the bills but the bills are winning.
I am working but I am not sure how much longer I will last at my current job. There is no set schedule and I am on my feet the whole time.
I have to listen to people bitch about shit that is so stupid. And they take it out on the one behind the counter, like I had something to do with what is wrong.
My everyday worries seem to be taking over everything.
I try to keep a smile on my face but it is getting harder.
They say stress is the worst thing for cancer. Well stress is all I have these days.
The light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer.
I am sorry for venting but I cannot keep it in any longer.
I do know those who read this are the ones that have been there and who have done so much and I am truly grateful for you in my life.
It is those who I thought would have been here for me that have me so upset.
This is not my life and I want mine back.
I want a job I like going to, I use have that.
I want a house full of friends again.
I want enough in my bank account to pay my every day bills.
Like I keep saying don’t need a lot just a little.
A little less stress and unknowing.