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A day at a time

My journey

Latest journal entry

October 8, 2018

That's the day my port was removed.  What a year! From going in for removal of an ulcer, finding out it wasn't an ulcer but cancer, getting a massive infection, having to wait for the chemotherapy to begin, it has been quite the experience.  Looking back at everything that has happened, I'm not surprised by any of it. Things happen for a reason. Good, bad or indifferent, everything happens for a reason. Like I've said before, we might never know why things happen but there is a plan. 

I have met a lot of people going through cancer treatment. I met others who are survivors. I met family and friends of those affected by cancer. They all have one thing in common, hope.  They might express it in different ways but it all boils down to hope.  Some will call it faith. But we all have that one thing in common, that we will overcome and survive by hope or faith or inner strength. Some succumb others survive. There is no rhyme or reason as to why some and not others.  

Am I a survivor? I don't know. All I know is that I woke up this morning to a brand new day and i hope and have faith that I will wake up to many more. But even as you march forward through the trials and tribulations of battling cancer, life still throws bricks at you. some you can see and you can dodge them gracefully. others come at a complete surprise but the outcome of both is the same, you wake up to a brand new day. 

one also learns to see life in a different light. what seemed important before, is not. what you took for granted before, becomes important. priorities change. The way you look at people changes. One starts analyzing people like never before and what you find will surprise you.  You also find things about yourself. 

when i was a kid, i saw a cousin suffer through bone cancer. i can still hear her crying out in pain. As a kid, I was at a loss as to what to do. I really didn't know anything about what was ailing her. Through the years I saw and heard about people who suffered and passed away. I met some in the Army. I saw how they cried,  suffered but continued to fight. I wondered if it happened to me would I have the same resolve, the same strength.  I hoped that it would never happen to me but it did.  I found out that I did have the resolve and the strength. One other thing I found was that after everything was done, I am still here for a reason. I still remember the first time we spoke to the oncologist. I am sure that I looked terrible and his demeanor showed it. I thought that he thought that I was not a good candidate to see it through.  The last time I saw my oncologist, it was it was totally different. We both were laughing and everything was positive.  My psychiatrist said it best when she said some people have everything against them but get through it. Others have everything going for them but don't make it. Makes you think of why that is. There is a plan for everyone. Don't doubt me.

To all those who had us in their prayers, our eternal thanks. To the doctors, nurses, radiologists, laboratory technicians, pharmacists, pharmacy technicians, receptionists, the valet parking attendants, in fact everyone at Baylor Scott and White, thank you, thank you, thank you, for your caring, professionalism and kindness. To my family everywhere, thank you. To my sons and daughters-in-law, thank you and I love you. And to my wife, I owe you my life, I will  love you always. Most importantly, thank you God for allowing this sinner to see another day. 

Now comes the rest. Still have to see my oncologist every 3 months. Still have to have lab work. Still have to have scans done but you know what, everything is good. 

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