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Bessie Conquers

Bessie is fighting Cancer and will win!

Latest journal entry

Whats up

  I feel like a lot has happened in the last few weeks.   My last time going to chemo was pretty fun actually. My friend Andrea came with me. It has been awhile since we really got to catch up. We chatted about all kinds of things and had lunch.  It is such a blessing to catch up with an old friend.  One scary thing happened though,  While they were giving me my first treatment my chest got really heavy and I couldn't breathe.  It lasted about 4 minutes and then they decided to stop treatment for about a half hour.  Then they put it on a slow drip. which I think they said I will have to from now on.  My body doesn't react well to the full flow.  Kind of scary really to think about it but I guess just try not to.  It was fine after they took a break.  I went home loopy and sleepy.  The next few days really were not as bad as the first time. Dizzy and extremely fatigued with a shot of crawling out of my skin anxiousness.  But it didn't last as long as the first round. 

  The raffle that the girls at my salon had is over, they did the drawing and I was excited to hear who won.  I think 2 or more of my own clients won ! Kinda fun to know someone who won something and 2 people, bless them donated their baskets to me! How cool was that. Very unexpected.  So thankful for everything everyone has done for us . People I don't even know have helped my family out. I am just so thankful. When I found out that I had cancer someone told me, "You will be surprised at who will help out,  People who you expect to help will not follow through and people you would never expect will step forward."  I just keep hearing that in my head.  That has totally been my experience.  Although some of my expectations may have ended with disappointment,  Times that I have been in need have been blessed by people I never dreamed would reach out to me.  And people who I haven't spoken to in years have become close to me again.  What a blessing. God can take what feels like a hopeless situation and turn it into a blessed one that feels like it was meant to be.  Amazing. This time has really been a struggle as far as fatigue goes.  I have struggled with  a lot emotionally, and that really took a toll on my attitude. I had to realize that just because I have cancer doesn't mean that life around me stops, and I certainly can't be sheltered from normal situations that hurt .  I feel indebted to God for sure as my heart and mind have been healed very quickly and I can get my attitude back on track.  All four of us also got a cold this last week,  I felt like I couldn't sit down without passing out.  Hopefully that was the cold and the chemo combined and not a sign of how the next two rounds go.  I guess either way I will get through it.  The last few days have been nice as a family.  Even though we have been sick I feel like it slowed us all down enough to reflect on what we are doing ,  Not just cancer but ways we need to help Noah grow and time spent discussing how we feel about all this.  I think for the last month we have all been kinda holding our breath just doing it, ya know.  Its weird but even though you do what the doctors say the fact that you are actually doing "CHEMO" sinks in and a little more acceptance happens.  I imagine its like that for anyone going through this.  The nurse I first met with literally said "they will have the cancer out of you before you even accept you have cancer" and thats just exactly right.

  Today I met with radiation oncology.  There was a question wether I would still do radiation because I went down to a stage 2 .  My doctor said definitely.  He said at this point there is a good chance that we can radiate any cells that remain and knock my chances down for reoccurrence to just 8 percent.  That sounded pretty good to me.  I am freaked out though honestly.  It just seems so risky. But He said it makes more sense to do it now and hope we get it all.  I just have to trust .   On the 17th of Dec they will do a cat scan that will show my anatomy.  They will locate the exact spots,lymphnodes and where the tumor was and put tattoos on those spots.  I guess just little dots, but permanent.  Then they will target only those exact areas for radiation. He said the main risk would be that the heart and lungs are in the same area.  It used to be that they would put the lasers directly onto the entire area but now they can move them and slant them so they can steer clear of the heart entirely and hopefully the lungs.  Crazy  the science behind it.  I will start radiation the last week of Dec.  Will do it everyday for 4 weeks. They want to give me time in-between chemo and radiation to recover and get my strength back.  Side effects from radiation are mostly topical skin issues,  It will be very tender and will feel like a sun burn, also tightening of muscles in that area. Also some fatigue, but he said it shouldn't be as bad as chemo, so fingers crossed on that. 

  So I guess thats about it. My next round of chemo is this Thursday. I will be out of commission for a week and a half But I am trying to work on Saturdays as much as I can.  Last week was a bit of a struggle but I realized I need it.  It heals me to see my friends who work there and encourage me , so thank you. And it helps to see clients and feel normal for a bit.  Even if I do take a quick nap in the wax room lol.  Thank you all for still fighting with me. Please continue to pray for my family and I will pray for yours. Blessings, Bes.

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