Share. Connect. Love.

Posted 2019-10-16T16:02:55Z

Ask me about my dead husband. Please!

Honestly, as a clergy person, this shouldn’t have surprised me. I know, when meeting with the family before a funeral, that the loveliest thing I can do for them is simply to ask them: “Tell me about your mom/dad/child/spouse/friend.” This is often the most healing portion of the whole funeral process, no matter which parts of it make it into my funeral sermon. Letting people talk about their loved one reinforces their connection to them. Makes the deceased person more present, more real.[...]

Posted 2019-10-16T16:02:00Z

How am I? No idea

There really aren’t any rules for grief. Or if there are rules, then everyone experiences them differently and hardly remembers them in retrospect. They certainly aren’t comprehensible from the outside. And they definitely don’t look like any neatly defined “stages of grief” you see bandied about.[...]

Posted 2019-01-29T22:49:50Z

End of Watch: January 28, 2019

As many of you have heard already, Brian died last night around 11pm. He was surrounded by all his closest family, and sent on his way with as much love and longing as anyone could hope for. We are relieved at the end of his tremendous suffering, and devastated by our loss as it arrives in full.[...]

Posted 2019-01-21T19:27:50Z

Holy ground

After one last hospital stay, Brian has come home. He managed to sneak in a radiation treatment on his shoulder, then was bundled into an ambulance to be driven here. Consults with Oncology and Palliative Care agreed that no aggressive anti-cancer treatment is likely to have an effect that would outweigh the side-effects; the cancer is too aggressive and has advanced too far. Therefore, the best treatment is one that’s aimed directly at symptom and pain management, so he will now be in the expert and caring hands of home hospice.[...]

Posted 2019-01-10T22:11:24Z


Well, we still don’t have the pathology report on the throat ulcers, so we haven’t begun the official treatment. But Brian improved enough in his capacity to eat and drink that they released him yesterday, to be treated out-patient.[...]

Posted 2019-01-07T15:17:26Z


We’re back in for another stretch in the hospital. Brian’s been having terrible pain swallowing for several weeks, which has led to another bout of dehydration and non-nutrition (is that a term?), which makes for weakness and disorientation, and is just generally not good. [...]

Posted 2018-12-09T02:14:00Z

"Mind the gap"

I preach frequently about the gap between what is actually true, and what we believe or wish were true: That there’s a connection between being good and experiencing good things … That we can have control over everything that happens to us in this life … That modern medicine has made it possible to relieve suffering, even if it can’t cure disease.[...]

Posted 2018-11-16T02:48:15Z

Ordinary Time

It’s hard to know when to do an update, when there aren’t things like surgeries to report upon. Substantially, the only thing to tell is that they removed the staples from Brian’s femur surgery the other day. It went well, though it was accompanied by some pointed inquiries as to why this is done without any kind of lidocaine (asking for a friend…) Big upside: this makes real showers possible again![...]

Posted 2018-10-29T19:17:59Z

"It's not like it's brain surgery or something!"

Which is not to say anything about the complexity of the surgery to drive the nail through Brian’s femur; it’s just to say that recovery from brain surgery was much easier! Pain levels at the surgical site have definitely been higher, though all the incisions look great, and everything clearly went according to plan. They were right when they said he’d be able to put weight on it and walk as soon as he was conscious enough to do so![...]