7 years

7 years tomorrow. This year is really hard. I ask myself how can this be? Today, well today it feels like you just left. The space you left is still here, a void only you can fill. The first year you were gone and we remembered you with everything you loved, it had to be just as you liked it. That day was full of the foods you loved. Your coffee from Starbucks, Hawaiian Barbecue pizza, and of course our Santa Cruz family had your favorite tart from the Farm. Dairy Queen was enjoyed by our family from both cities. 
As time passed and your space remained unfilled there were times the things you loved like your Hickory Farms Sausage and cheese remained on the table, a symbol you weren't here. It turns out you were the only one who liked it! So I have become brave enough to fill that space and others with new things our family loves, especially the things our grandchildren love. 

Does it seem strange that so many of our memories are surrounded by food? Not when I think of your big smile when you got someone to go get your Blizzed at Dairy Queen or when we drove into Santa Cruz and you shyly drove straight to the Farm for a tart! You loved your sweets! At Christmas I loved watching you unwarp the candy kissess for our families beloved candy kiss cookies my grandmother taught me to make. And now Spencer and Ollie unwrap them talking about you and eating almost as many while unwrapping as you did! 

As the years pass, I continue to feel the space you left although some of the space has been filled with the love, traditions, and memories that make it possible to face each day. 
It's seven years tomorrow and so many memories, the smell of the ocean, the fierce love you had for raising up young volleyball players, not only to develop their love for the sport but to play with integrity and good sportsmanship because you took your time with each girl life as a calling not just a coach. Your love for music and worship ❤️ not only changed your heart when you played but your desire was that others who heard you play would be inspired to draw closer to the Lord of your life.

Your love for animals has been carried on BY the kids and grandchildren and you are always thought of when we put our sweatshirts on one of the dogs. But more then anything your quiet strength 💪 and presence leading our family,  always leading with each one's best interests even when it was hard on you. Your quiet strength never to be misunderstood as weakness.  We always knew you were there. Gary,  I am trying to except the changes, to allow your space to be filled with things we all love, along with the freedom to grieve,  to morn and to embrace how the space you left is changing.  It will take a lifetime mine,  you are thought of everyday,  you will continue to be the center of our families thoughts and memories. The space you left will continue to be there, a space no one but you can fill.
Until we meet again.  I love you.