Shock and Denial ~ Dawns Grief Letter
I am living with my son Paul and his wife Sandy in Orange County and attending a weekly grief group at Saddleback Church. The leaders of our grief group have recently encouraged me to write a grief letter to my family and friends in an effort to communicate to you how I am doing and what help I need. I am moving out of the initial stage of grief, shock and denial and I am finding as I am moving into another stage the reality that Gary is gone, confusion and frustration are a consistent part of my daily life.
The leaders of my grief group also mentioned that it can be risky to write and send a letter like this one but writing can assist in recovering from such a devastating loss. The grief group defines recovering as being able to remember your loved one with happiness and not just tears and sadness. That is my prayer and hope.
Dear Friend, (Family, co-workers, volleyball and church friends, and so many others.)
Recently I have suffered a devastating loss. I am grieving and it will take months and even years for me to recover from this loss. I wanted to let you know that I will cry from time to time. Sometimes I will just burst into tears when it just doesn’t seem to make sense. I don’t apologize for my tears since they are not a sign of weakness or a lack of faith, they are a sign that I am brave and willing to feel the loss and tears are God’s gift to me to express the extent of my loss, and they are a sign that I am recovering.
All I know is that my emotions are so intense because of my grief. If I don’t always make sense to you, please be forgiving and patient with me. And if i repeat myself over and over or ask you to repeat yourself over and over please accept this, as normal, for now.
More than anything I need your understanding and presence. There are so many ways to stay present with me. You don’t always have to know what to say or do, if you think of me, pray for me. Please don’t wait for me to return your call, text, note or post on Posthope, sometimes I am too tired or tearful to do so. But I need you to continue to reach out to me and please know that when you do, it is very comforting to me.
Pray for me that I would come to see meaning in my loss and that I would know God’s comfort and love. It does help to let me know that you are praying for me. If you have experienced a similar kind of loss, please feel free to share that loss with me.....
This loss is so painful right now it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But, most days I know I will survive and recover, remembering my precious Gary with the same laughter and love we shared while he was here with me.
Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening and praying for me. Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will always be thankful.
“Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning my strength fails because of my affliction and my bones grow weak. Psalm 39: 9-10 ~ God is faithful. [...]
