12 weeks ago today we got an emergency call. A call we had waited, what felt like forever to get. It’s hard to believe on one hand it’s already been 12 weeks and on the other hand that we ever lived without her. It’s an amazing thing to have a child who feels so much your own so quickly. Everyone said it would be like this and yet it’s even better than I expected. It’s absolutely humbling to stop and consider how far we have all come in such a short time. The habits we have broken, the bad behaviors we have over come, the sense of security and belonging we have seemed to build. We got mail the other day stating that we will be going to court next month for the judge to basically check the status of the case. Seeing the simple yet powerful acknowledgment that no one intends to move her from us brought me to tears. She belongs here.
While so much of my heart rejoices at this step towards making things more perminant legally, a piece of me is sad. I think it’s impossible not to look at a beautiful child and see that in order for her to find her way here, someone else’s dream had to die. I have photos of her biological family for when she is older and through my Facebook sluthing I was able to find some of when her mom was young. I see a child who needed security and guidance. I see a girl who likely assumed she’d be a mom one day. Now I see mugshots, arrest records, details about a life no mother would wish for their child. I see a woman that is still that little girl crying out. I see a woman who will never be this sweet babies mom. I am thankful that she chose life for our girl, I am grateful that given the circumstances this baby girl made it to us. I pray that one day this women will be able to meet my daughter and give her some answers that I can’t. I pray that this whole family will find sobriety so one day she can know them as her extended family that they are. More than anything though, I pray that my girl learns she is loved and that she can break the cycle. I pray that she chooses kindness, to stay in school, to stay as emotionally healthy as she can, to ask for help, to do what’s right, to be all that she can be. Every day that I hear “mommy” is a blessing that I pray I never take forgranted.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised us faithful