In an ideal world we could just forget the past hurt & pain caused to us. If it was that easy, we would all be better off & living life to the full.
I want to talk about this subject some more & too share an example from own my life. To look at how I was treated & to examine it for what it really was about-how I felt shamed & to let it go & no longer have it affect my life.
In grade school I had a teacher who I had to give a reason for being late for school. This teacher new that I had to get a ride to school & I had no control of what time I would get there. Anyone who was late had to write out the times tables & I got tired of making excuses, so I stopped giving them & learned the times table quite well.
Now let us look at it in point form-look at it for what it really was.
First, she was in a position of power & I could have received further punishment if I did not obey.
Second, by having to give a reason for being late, in front of the class was a misuse of her authority.
Third, by me being put in that position was shaming-I was helpless.
Fourth, she was a leader in our church community-so I felt shame even outside of her class.
I was a kid & did not deserve what she put me through. I did poorly in her class which also affected my self-esteem. What she did was cruel, heartless, hurtful, abusive & shaming!
By writing this all out, I can see how I was affected, understand that what she did had a profound impact on my life & to remind myself-I am not powerless, I am not a kid & I can pray to forgive her-which helps me!
I was abused as a child & it is normal to have a shame-based perception of myself. It is also a fact that, until I got help, that I would continue to be attracted to abusers.
Before I received any type of help, I would let others hurt me, abuse me & shame me-it was normal, it was what I understood.
There is always Hope! I am not where I want to be in my healing journey, I still allow others to hurt me, however, I have learned healthy tools to take care of myself. I am better at telling some one who has hurt me & ask them to stop.
Or if the person does not want to treat me as I deserve, then I can limit how & when I want to associate with them. Some people, I have had to stop any kind of communication/interaction-it is my job to take care of me.
You do not deserve to be Shamed!
You Are Worth So Much!
J Christian S