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Jessica Clarke - Journal

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Posted 2014-04-27T18:17:19Z

Apr 27

Talk about the Sunday night blues... I've spent the weekend celebrating our good news with friends and family. I am now preparing myself for the two tough weeks ahead. I get it. I should be loving the chemo and praising the pump. It has literally saved my life. Still, my dose is being increased again. I am now receiving more than double the amount of cancer fighting chemical that was in my first dose. The idea is that we need to continue to follow the protocol even though results have been achieved. If we want the same great 5 and 15 year results that patients in the study had, we need to follow the same model that they did. This includes continued "dose adjustment" through the end of the 6 treatments.[...]

Posted 2014-04-25T01:05:29Z

Scan Images

As promised... weird images of my insides. For reference, my arms are up in the air in both. The one on the right is from January. The red arrows I've added point out all of the black spots that were cancer. Yes, all of that in the middle of my rib cage. It is pretty scary to look at (for me anyway). The scan on the left was done yesterday. Note the lack of big black spots.[...]

Posted 2014-04-24T15:29:52Z

Apr 24 - Clean scan

I just left my appointment.  My cancer is gone.  I beat it.  My scan came out completely clean.  I still have 6 hard weeks of treatment ahead of me, but to know that it has worked makes it all worthwhile.  When we get home I will post a picture of the before and after scan. It is pretty amazing.  It has taken a village and you are all a part of it.  I guess I should say WE beat cancer.  Thank you all.[...]

Posted 2014-04-21T23:52:27Z

Apr 21

At my appointment today we had to talk transfusion again. I am very torn, because my low red blood count is what is causing me to feel weak and tired. Having a transfusion will make me feel better. Unfortunately, it also introduces additional risks. We concluded that we will wait it out until Thursday to see if my body starts to bounce back on its own. My PA didn't feel it was urgent. The bummer is that it is starting to seem inevitable that I will need one at some point.[...]

Posted 2014-04-19T01:14:52Z

Apr 18

I think I've turned the corner for this treatment cycle.  It makes sense I guess, each cycle it has taken me one extra day to bounce back. For that, let us thank the 20% increases! I think I have confirmed that when I feel good, I can't act as if I feel good.  This is a formula for the following day to be a disaster. Today, I accomplished a bit but rested as well. [...]

Posted 2014-04-16T00:03:56Z

Apr 15

Today is not a good day. I'm getting everything that I expected but didn't experience yesterday.The phrase "I feel like I'm dying" seems to fit. I don't really know how to describe it, but it includes and is not limited to:[...]

Posted 2014-04-13T20:02:57Z

Apr 13

This weekend I decided that I couldn't just sit on the couch, although that is what I physically feel like doing. Mentally, I just couldn't take it.  Saturday morning Levi and I took Cam to a preschool friend's birthday party.  It was a beautiful morning and we had a great time visiting and letting the kids play. I was SO happy to be a part of it rather than sitting home and missing out. Immediately after the party we were able to go and pick up the Mini.  I was totally pooped but wasn't going to pass up a chance to get my little car from storage and drive home with the top down. It was quite nice.  [...]

Posted 2014-04-11T15:53:17Z

Apr 11

It's Friday, and the pump comes off.  Unfortunately, the last drug will also crush me.  I've found it does this physically, mentally (I feel stupid.  No other way to describe it.) and emotionally.  I had an OK morning and was able to do some chores and get both Cam and I bathed.  Small victories, right?[...]

Posted 2014-04-10T01:21:41Z

April 9

Well we're half way through the 4th treatment week. Jess just looked at me and said "I feel like I'm being poisoned", which, she is. I hate this whole deal. I want it to be over. Thank god for Campbell, she says the funniest things which seem to keep me going. Tonight, about 15 mins after we put her to bed she's at the top of the stairs "excuse me guys... I can't find a tissue, oh and we really should be running the make my nose stop running thingy" she was referring to the vaporizer in her room. [...]

Posted 2014-04-07T11:48:53Z

Apr 7

Kicking off cycle # 4.  

I woke up and choked down 100mg of Prednisone this morning, which means we're back to treatment!  I have to say, I had a wonderful weekend, so I'm feeling ready to get back to work on this. Sometimes the off weeks, while totally necessary for my physical and mental recovery, feel like a waste of time. [...]