Today I cried during a follow-up exam with my nurse practitioner, then again later in front of the very nice social security clerk as he handed over the $250 death benefit I received because Bret died, and then a third time while driving in the car listening to an Avett Brothers song. I also smiled at a joke, checked off most of the stuff on my to-do list and while standing in line at Starbucks waiting to order my grande Americano, no room, had a sparkling conversation with the gentleman standing next to me in line. "Yeah baby, I still got it!"
I also wrote - like I do everyday. It's therapy all tangled up in a love, loss mix and it is what I have been putting off for 30 years. The creative tug pulls me from my slumber every morning, write, write, write. Meals are skipped - write, write, write. The right side of my brain flexing and stretching everyday as the chemicals of creativity flush through each axon - rapid fiber nerve response - the delightful tension of these sensations flooding through my body. A satisfying response that has me coming back for more.
This is the end, at least for now, of the Post Hope blog known as Johns Hopkins Road Trip. A week after Bret died, I started writing in a place that I call The Grieving and today I am ready to share this new journey with you. Perhaps you will follow me there. I hope you do. It won't all be about Bret and me and grief...I have a lot to say about cancer and advocacy and access to clinical trials and how we treat the dying and lemmings following each other off of the cliff - all things that I think you may want to know about. I'll be talking about love too.
It's been my honor to have you here by my side.
Welcome to The Grieving
**Following the blog will keep you updated each time I post a new entry.