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Encouragement, hope, prayer, help

Latest journal entry

Posted 2012-01-11T06:21:24Z


Thought I would start this website as a way to gather encouragement and hope. Living with Chrone's disease is not easy, fun or a wonderful adventure worth taking. I have been sick since I was two months pregnant - my twin girls are almost a year old now. I have spent weeks at a time in the hospital since they have been born - the longest was a month away from them. When I am home I am so sick and in so much pain that I can barely even pick them up. At least I get to watch them grow and play - just wish I could be more apart of their lives. Tonight - or I should say this morning (it's 1am) I am so sick and hurting so badly that I can't sleep. This has been going on about a week now - getting worse every day. Taking antibiotics for a serious infection and immune supressant drugs. Waiting on "educational training" so I can start taking shots every two weeks to keep the Chrone's in remission. Trust me - I know how to give myself shots - but nonetheless - have to wait on dr. to schedule training before he will write prescription for shots. Was taking Remicade but who has time to sit in a clinic for 3 hours every few weeks and get an IV? So tired of being poked, prodded and taking around 10 pills a day. Can you imagine what my poor liver must look like? Tired of being sick, tired of hurting, just plain tired....

Talk about a test of faith - no one understands or can really empathise with what I am going through. It's not like people have x-ray vision to see how totally screwed up my insides are and tangebly see the pain and hurt I am in ------------- if I were in a wheelchair or had oxygen strapped to my body would people be more sympathetic and understanding - more willing to help and be supportive? Oh well, guess I will never find out. Some days I think I can't take anymore and honestly would rather be dead than hurting and sick all the time. Other days - just want to stay in bed and pretend this isn't happening to me. Desperately need love, support, encouragement, prayer, HELP!!!!!!! God can heal but in my case isn't - so now what? Where are the people who are suppose to be supporting, encouraging, nurturing, helping............ I can count on one hand the number of people who are actually there as much as they can be. I desperately want someone to love me through this - pray with me - sit with me - talk to me - understand and sympathise - etc... I'm really not a bad person and I have tried so hard to live my life right and be a good example for my chldren and others - I have actively persued a christ-centered life - where is my miricle? I'm not asking for a huge one - just love and support. Please - just love and support.

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