Sorry it's taken me so long to update...it's been a long couple of weeks!
It definitely took me longer to bounce back after the last round of chemo. I was just so tired. The side effects have ranged from barely noticeable to very very painful this time. I've had some nausea, which is awful, but thankfully comes and goes...it's not constant.
The most annoying thing for me is just not being able to do everything that I want to do. It's so tough being in this spot where for one thing, I'm the provider for our family right now, and a second thing, I want to do my job well! I'm stubborn, so I'm very thankful for my amazing co-workers who force me to go home when I'm not feeling well. (I guess the fact that I'm laying on the office floor because I can't sit up is a good clue, haha!) But seriously, my company is the very best and I could not be more proud to work for Pacific Residential Mortgage. So I have to remind myself over and over that I can only do what I can handle, and in a few months I'll be able to be back 100%. It's just that I don't have time for cancer, darn it!! I have places to be and things to do!! ;)
Even more than the work stuff, the worst is when I can't do things with my kids. For the most part I've been fine, but there have been a few days when I just need to rest. It breaks my heart when Liam comes in and gives me a kiss as he's heading out somewhere so I can sleep. He'll say, "I hope you feel better, Mom! I just hate chemo, I hate it!!" Me too, buddy. He is so sweet and sensitive and loves to snuggle, which is perfect for a lot of days.
Audrey is doing great. I talked to her teacher who told me that she's only talked about my cancer at school once, and that was when she took one of our books (about a Mom who has cancer) to school for the teacher to read during story time. Before they read it Audrey announced, "I have this book because my Mom has cancer!" Her teacher said all of the kids were very sweet and respectful while she read it. Definitely not something I ever expected my daughter to have to say, but I'm so proud of the way she's handling it.
I am really thankful that they were both able to come to the center last treatment day so they could see exactly what it is like. They were so sweet and well-behaved...made me proud.
Most of you probably saw on facebook that my tumor shrunk so much that when I had an ultrasound two weeks ago the radiologist could barely see it! They had to look for the clip that she put in during the original biopsy. Thank you Jesus!! I'm so so thankful for the wisdom that God has given to doctors and scientists. It really is amazing!
God has continued to bless us through all of you sweet people. I know I keep saying it, but we are so overwhelmed and beyond thankful for the cards, thoughtful gifts, emails, meals and so much more. Thank you thank you thank you!! Every time I come home from chemo my house is beautifully cleaned and there are beautiful fresh flowers everywhere from my Mom. I wish I could express how wonderful all of your love makes me feel.
Lately I've been waking up with song lyrics in my head. A friend told me at the beginning of this journey that she believed God was going to give me songs in the night, and that's exactly what's happening. I'll wake up with just a line in my head, not even knowing the song or where I heard it. The most recent one was 'You raise me up like a city of gold, the battles rage but I'm standing tall'. I looked it up and it's from a song called Architecture that I've heard on the radio but a LONG time ago. I love that God pulled that specific line out and put it in my head for when I woke up. I do feel like He's helping me stand tall in this battle. There's no other explanation for how well it's going. God is good!!!!
I'll be back for chemo #4 this Thursday.Thank you for your prayers - I feel them, I really do! I know my side effects could be so much worse and the fact that most days I feel good is a direct result of your prayers!
I pray you feel God's love in a tangible way this week, as I have!