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Living Forward

Primarily journaling the medical adventures of Neal (stage IV colon cancer), with occasional updates on Benjamin, Jeremy and Matthew (CVID) intermixed. Despite several d[...] read more

Latest journal entry

Posted 2019-07-24T16:19:55Z

One Year...

This has been the hardest year of my life… you took your last breaths as I held your hands and lay my head on your chest one year ago this night… just 5 minutes before midnight. It bothers me that your official death date is July 24… because I know you were gone before then, but we had to wait for the hospice nurse to pronounce you.

I miss you every day Neal… I miss your laugh and your smile. I miss your touch and your presence. Everyone knew when you entered a room… you were always happy and positive, even when facing terminal illness and certain death.  How blessed I am to have shared 26 years with you, 22 years of them married, and to have 3 amazing sons with you.

The boys are doing well all things considered. Jeremy will be a senior this year and is starting to plan for college. He got leads in 5 musicals: Pippin, Joseph, Beauty and the Beast, Urine Town and RENT. You would have been blown away. Ben is doing amazing in college. He’s a TA now and his team’s video game went to PAX two years in a row now… He is a stand out. I know you’d be so proud. And Matthew survived Middle School. He had a really rough year, but it all worked out and he’s excited to start fresh in High School.

A lot has happened in the past year. Some of it I thought would break me having to deal with it on my own. Much of the house was neglected while you were fighting to live, and after you passed things started to implode. We revived the fish tank, got a lizard, 2 poison dart frogs, and a tarantula. Yeah! Who’s the cool parent now? We wanted to get a friend for Cass (our dog) but he has started having health problems so we are holding off on that for now. I took the boys to Florida for Thanksgiving, and to New Orleans and Mexico for winter break. Traveling without you is just not the same. You were the best traveling companion.

I have found great support from other widows and widowers online.. .I know more widows than I ever knew existed. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.

By the way…The Red Sox won the World Series , the Patriots won the Super Bowl and Tiger won the Masters! Even the Bruins and Celtics did well this year. You would have loved that.

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