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Posted 2016-08-02T16:09:59Z

Thy will be done

The lyrics to Hillary Scott's single "Thy Will Be Done" echo through my heart today.  Thank you to my dear friend, Cathy, for sending it to me.  I had heard it before but it hadn't resignated so deep within my soul until this week.  The first verse says, "I don't wanna think, I may never understand that my broken heart is a part of your plan...." then on to the chorus of "Thy will be done...." repeatedly.

A faith, trust and love in God is not for the weak at heart.  I know that some people probably think that if you're a Christian then your life is supposed to be a "walk in the park" but somehow I think that the life of a Christian is even harder than that of an unbeliever --- in some ways.  The difference being that while my walk is so very difficult right now.  I am literally "walking in the valley of the shadow of death" RIGHT NOW but.... because I have Jesus, because I have my Saviour, I have a Hope that surpasses all understanding.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.  He IS right here beside me.  An unbeliever does not have that Hope, that knowledge.  My strength and my faith lie in Christ Jesus.  I could not do this without Him.  

I am so incredibly sad and I'm even more so when I have to tell Loyd over and over again what the doctors have said because he forgets.  This man that has been so strong and independent and intelligent!!  A literal jack of all trades and usually right about most things (Shhhh!!!  Don't tell him I said that!! ;))  

The doctor told me yesterday that, at best, Loyd might have 3 weeks... At worst, 4-5 days.  He isn't eating.  He doesn't want to eat.  No appetite.  He had pneumonia.  They have that under control.  He is nearing the end of his journey and he doesn't even know it or remember it most of the time.  Sometimes I feel like his memory has gotten a little better and then he asks me over again if he's going to get out of here.  He didn't even remember that his cancer has been back for awhile now yesterday.  He hates being in here.  He hates that he can't DO.  But he can't remember it and it rips my heart out every time I have to tell him again that I don't think he's going to be going home (to our house) again.  And it rips my heart out when I sit in my house and realize he isn't going to be going home (to our house) again.  My happily ever after ... destroyed...

And so this song resignates to my very soul right now.... Thy will be done... I don't understand.  I don't know why.  My heart is broken.  I have little joy.  But I know that God is God... which brings me to a Steven Curtis Chapman song... "God is God and I am not I can only see a part of the picture He's painting God is God and I am man So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God".  God is God and I can only trust that He has plans for me, for my future. Because my present sucks.



I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Good news you have in store

So, thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
I know you see me
I know you hear me Lord

 

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