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My Secret War (Mortal ME vs. Immortal RA)

This site contains entries revealing my journey through life with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis). I hope I will create awareness with this disease as well as reconcile the di[...] read more

Latest journal entry

Sleepless Valentines Day

     I've had a day and night off of work and filled that time with bouts of rest and restlessness.  Being single and feeling the loneliness my RA has produced are consistent factors here.  I try hard not to dwell, but physically and mentally, my body and my being cannot stop itself from feeling.  At least I feel good about this journal entry because I have a desire to confess and share ongoing events of my life living with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Yet I stall and dismiss putting these feelings into text or conversation out of fear.  Fear of others thinking I'm being selfish, acting like a cry-baby, or seeking attention.  I think that way,  because there are some who have responded to me with those words or similar actions.  I need help, support, and encouragement from others, but usually fear asking for it.  Those persons lack the knowledge of what RA really is and the aftereffects that will continue the rest of my life.  I need people to "hear" what I say and I would like to receive some validation regarding these confessions.  I am afraid of my failing health, yet I have so much desire to experience and accomplish certain things in this life.  This includes finding true love,  and leaving my 2 daughters equipped with many tools that will help lead them through lifes obstacles, to trust in God, and attain real peace and happiness forever.

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