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Posted 2019-02-14T13:43:00Z

Sleepless Valentines Day

     I've had a day and night off of work and filled that time with bouts of rest and restlessness.  Being single and feeling the loneliness my RA has produced are consistent factors here.  I try hard not to dwell, but physically and mentally, my body and my being cannot stop itself from feeling.  At least I feel good about this journal entry because I have a desire to confess and share ongoing events of my life living with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Yet I stall and dismiss putting these feelings into text or conversation out of fear.  Fear of others thinking I'm being selfish, or whining, or seeking attention.  I think that way,  because there are some who have responded to me with those words or similar actions.  I need help, support, and encouragement from others, but usually fear asking for it.  Those persons lack the knowledge of what RA really is and the aftereffects that will continue the rest of my life.  I need people to "hear" what I say and I would like to receive some validation regarding these confessions.  I am afraid of my failing health, yet I have so much desire to experience and accomplish certain things in this life.  This includes finding true love,  and leaving my 2 daughters equipped with the tools that may help lead them through lifes obstacles, and to trust in God, and attain true peace and happiness.

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