Today my beautiful baby boy would have turned nine months. I can't help but be very emotional thinking what life would have been if he was with us today. I think of his accomplishments of sitting up, laughing, crawling and possibly standing up. I will always remember the day he came into this world and the last breath he took before leaving us. I remember when he was here, hearing his cry and roaming through his hair with my fingers. I miss you Ezio. I know you are with Jesus and all of our loved ones. I have my moody days, but over all, I am doing well coping. There are some things that make me sad when I see them. A couple months ago, my church had a baby dedication and during the dedication I started to weep and had to leave service. I kept imagining Nicole and I up there with Khloe dedicating Ezio to Christ. Sometimes I stare at a father and son interacting and envision that moment to be me and Ezio. When I hold my nephew who's Ezio's age I keep thinking, "this is what you would have been." The enemy puts things in my mind saying you were so close, but not good enough to have a son. I feel like that cloud hangs over me and when I enter a room, people label me as that parent who lost a child. I know that's the enemy trying to upset me and make me mad at God. I appreciate all the kind words and support people show to my family. I am not mad at God. I was really hurt at first, but God is managing my pain as I carry on with life. I use to be afraid of death, but that's no longer a fear. When Ezio turns 1, I am going to share an intimate moment I had with God when Ezio was here. God really came through and took our doubts away. For now I keep my son's legacy going by sharing our story. I'm not a great writer like Nicole, but I allow God to help me choose my words.