“Hope In Front Of Me”[...]
Good morning to all who are reading. Good evening if it is later, and “Good Day” in general I guess. While for some this might evoke the conversation between Gandolf and Bilbo on the event of their not so chance meeting in Bag End, I will just leave this one as meaning, “All of them I guess.”. Ryne has had a turn that I cannot actually characterize. He seemed to be just cruising along nicely until yesterday. I had something hit me hard and fast, and without warning. It started as just feeling a bit queezy and rapidly and progressively moved to diaphoresis, nausea, vertigo, and eventually my body trying to evacuate everything from everywhere. Before I got there I took an aspirin with some orange juice and then a small tab of metoprolol. I am not sure how much broke down or absorbed before “the purge” began, but the meds were not there for long. As I fought the vertigo I had Ryne by this time in his shower chair. I would sit and focus slowly turning the vertigo the opposite way, but when my focus would change the turning went back to clockwise continual. I asked God to help me, but alas, this was one God wanted me to resolve, or to be patient as He intervened on the cause. I pulled up my “big boy panties” and set out to get Ryne’s meds through the blurry landscape I was trying desperately to emerge from. The “fog” was more of a wrenching vertiginous stagger of sorts than anything to give a single word to. I was successful in delivering his medication from bottle to dispensation cup, and then meandered my way back to the place I had Ryne perched for shower entry. With the water temperature palpably correct I rolled him in and rushed myself over to dry heave. “Lord, have your way with me to the end of this as you see fit, but let me help Ryne by your great name.”. Somehow we got Ryne through the shower but nothing had abated. Two BP checks were fine with a regular pulse in the 70’s and low 80’s. Vas ist los? I got Ryne covered in the warm towels from the dryer and used the furtuitous presence of the shower chair to make it all the way to his room. Once I had him adjacent to his waiting bed I asked for Cale’s help. (Yea, I know. Why didn’t I ask him earlier? Stubborn German, or curious investigator, either way was holding my request. I was also pensive over the possible divine intervention I so desired.) Cale got up immediately and took charge. I helped hoyer Ryne from shower chair to bed and turned over the helm of this care provision to captain Cale. My plan was to lie down, but alas, more dry heaves were still waiting as I was beckoned to an entirely different destination than my intended resting point.
Good morning. I do not think my posts are either available or going out. Ryne has continued to progress with his baby steps, and I feel he is so much more aware. Last Thursday when Michael started to do Ryne’s vitals at midnight he awakened Ryne from sleep. As soon as Michael noisily undid the velcro from the BP cuff Ryne straightened his arm and held it up for Michael to place the cuff. Not only did he do that, but he extended only his index finger to place the pulseoximeter that Michael checks before pumping up the cuff for his blood pressure check. As soon as the cuff was on Ryne lowered his arm to the bed surface. These are the little things that all add up.[...]
Good morning. I just have to thank God, as well as all who have prayed for Ryne during this Pandemic (as it were), as he has remained consistently healthy without even a sniffle while many around him have been virus positive. Many have had minimal symptoms including anosmia and dysgeusia, but he has had no outward even simple signs of anything untoward. For something that will eventually reach everyone he seems to have been sheltered and protected. (With this antifear rhetoric and God faith I wonder if I will be censored?) The many facial gestures of Ryne seem to be more active these days, and I enjoy reassuring him or laughing with some of them given the fact that for years they were missing. I wonder what he thinks of the current events I continue to regail him with? He must be aghast that half of our country is okay with unilateral censorship of opinion when most of the world is mortified. Even our oversees dissidents prefer “all” to have the right to public discourse and opinion. This threatens all we have fought for for almost 250 years! Now throwing it away after artificial fear mongering. I am reminded of a quote my friend Jim recently reminded me of from Benjamin Franklin, and I paraphrase, “Those who would give up liberty for momentary safety, deserve neither liberty or safety.”.[...]
So what do you do at one year? You reflect. You start at a year ago, and that was painful. Watching someone suffer is suffering in the soul, but watching and feeling them leave is a final act that just seems like a dream world and not a real world. It is numbing. Then you remember your promises, and you take note of your responsibilities, and you keep your word. When you are lucky enough to have young people in your life, as well as friends and family, you are blessed in your moments of sorrow. Don’t miss the blessing in the midst of your grief. Do not. If you do, you will have minimized the communal effort already given. You see, we are supposed to be one, not separate. God gave us immune systems for a reason, and if only we would quit messing up His creation we would not have people forcing us apart, and in that missing the mercy and grace meant to come our way. Christmas was different, but how could it not be, for anyone? The trick is to use the creations that I have come to despise for the wickedness that is perpetrated through their use, and find your salvation that is being ripped away from you. Use that technology for, and so we did. We connected with grandparents, siblings, nieces & nephews, friends, and found ourselves feeling we are in their midst. Love cures many things, and we must not let it be taken away. We must stand and we must walk.[...]
It is the 6th of December, 2020. How can it be. We just passed the 10th anniversary of our incredible 36 hour adventure taking Ryne to the Dominican Republic for stem cell therapy. It included private planes, lost transports, lost wheelchairs, tarmac searches, ambulance confusion, room reservation difficulty, customs avoidance, security shakedowns, gunpoint searches, border search, and the beauty of Hispaniola. That trip had it all, for which Larry has often entreated me to write a screenplay for, and thinking back to all of the extreme situations and characters involved; he might be right. Here we are 10 years later, much different than 10 years ago, but also in many ways, fortunately the same, or more.[...]
Another Holiday, another landmark, another gathering, and another reflection. Ryne and I talked about how important his recovery is. He swallows as he stares in my eyes as the story is about him, and about life, and about recovery, and about surviving and being saved in every way that someone can be saved. Ryne is so encouraging to me because he does give in. He does not lay down. He fights. Yesterday Cathy said he didn’t like the blanket she put on him, so first he turned his head, then lifted his leg and gave a little groan. He had his face a little twisted up, but she asked him if he wanted the blanket off. Ryne relaxed after swallowing, and when she removed it he was relaxed and calm in his face. She cracked up that Ryne just told her “what was up”. My day with Ryne was odd, and it was in unusual waves. Ariana was sequestered with Cale and her injured dog Missie. Ariana was taking care of patients who were positive for the SarsCoV2 virus that causes the so-called CoViD-19. She had some nausea and sniffles for a day each and it was over. The likelihood was inevitable given her front line status and the worthless effectiveness of masks and PPE as they are being promoted. Her paucity of symptoms was expected, and seems a bit less than the vaccine, however her response to a vaccine may have been the same as her response to the virus, but who will know? What I do know is that the threat of her having this, and even though she was 2 closed doors and 30 feet away, the first Thanksgiving without Tami was forever a different memory than expected. The CCP Virus, and moronic way we have handled it, stole that away. I am so glad she did not have to witness it. I made the turkey and casserole anyway, in this eerily silent house with just Ryne and I on this end of the house. Traci (thank you) dropped off hominy and her famous bread. I will never forget that. Once the food was cooking it got a little quieter even though Cathy was here to care for Ryne. Then the day shifted gears. Kyle, Sunshine(Margie), and Kolby stopped by. I let them know our CoViD status, and it turns out Marge is pregnant with another little boy. They decided rightly so to move on down the road. I can not get it due to contracting it in February before we knew what we were dealing with. Sickest I had been in years, but only for 2 days and it was gone. Then Dan came by to help supervise my food supervision, ha. I learned that Sally, Dave, Melanie, Taylor, Owen, and Jadyn (all from the same family household) were coming by. They just had to see Ariana, even a glimpse. They did not want Ryne and I alone. Dan and I visited from either side of the firepit and visited Ryan by facetime. All of a sudden it was time for removing food from their respective cooking receptacles. Dan shot home and I took turkey over to Margaret and Nita while group facetiming the scattered flock. It was fun, but not enough. Messed up like all of this past year. Then, it was time for our dinner, with a full seating. That led to a firepit with Khalid, Mohammed, and Maizie(sp?) joining our fire separated gaggle. Then, all at once it was 9pm and a crazy day had found it’s way passed. But, Ryne was good with voices and well-wishing around him like in his past. It was important for him, and also for me. We would not have been alone in the spirit, nor are any of us for that matter, but we see this life we participate in is the one we are more freely attached to. We have to feel instead of look. Mixing senses for what we should more clearly look for is the truest survival, and there we find a crowd from yesterday as well as today. We made it though. And we became prudent and wise simultaneously.[...]
Wow really. Friday the 13th. This is just one of many of them. Here we sit in the midst od election chaos, and Ryne does not care one bit. Ryne has been very strong, and he was especially attuned this week in PT. Not only was he focusing with his eyes to each side, but he was turning his head as well to each side involved. It was awesome.[...]
Hello. I am sorry to be absent. Sorry Ryne.
I guess I have just not wanted sadness. I wanted joy. Joy is just sometimes hard to find. My meetings are virtual, and the world is a big fat hot mess, exactly how the anarchists want it to be. We have got to take back our individual joy.[...]
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