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Sam's Journey

My journey, all it's ups and downs and those who traveled with me,

Latest journal entry

Monday, December 12th,2016

Hello to those that tune in.
It’s been awhile, I know, but there has been so much going on. Not that my life is busy, I mean so much going on in my head.
I look back and I so use to enjoy this time of the year. Starting with Thanksgiving I would cook for days and my house was always full
when it came time to eat. Then moving into Christmas I would decorate and get so excited when I found that one special gift for that one special person.
Three weeks before Christmas was always my tree trimming party. A night I would remember all year. Way to much food and drinks but it was shared with so many
so many friends. If I was to unpack my decorations I would be able to tell you who gave me every decoration. Every year the tree would get better.
Now there are no decorations and I just want this time of the year to go away.
My life is now filled with unknowing, hurt, worry and I am so tired.
Unknowing because of my health. There are days when I feel good but the days I don’t are winning this war.
Hurt because of those who I thought would be there, are not.
Worried because I have no idea how much longer I can on. I am trying to work and pay the bills but the bills are winning.
I am working but I am not sure how much longer I will last at my current job. There is no set schedule and I am on my feet the whole time.
I have to listen to people bitch about shit that is so stupid. And they take it out on the one behind the counter, like I had something to do with what is wrong.
My everyday worries seem to be taking over everything.
I try to keep a smile on my face but it is getting harder.
They say stress is the worst thing for cancer. Well stress is all I have these days.
The light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer.
I am sorry for venting but I cannot keep it in any longer.
I do know those who read this are the ones that have been there and who have done so much and I am truly grateful for you in my life.
It is those who I thought would have been here for me that have me so upset.
This is not my life and I want mine back.
I want a job I like going to, I use have that.
I want a house full of friends again.
I want enough in my bank account to pay my every day bills.
Like I keep saying don’t need a lot just a little.
A little less stress and unknowing.