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Sam's Journey

My journey, all it's ups and downs and those who traveled with me,

Latest journal entry

Two Years later

Hello...Hello...

I have returned.. I started several posts over the past months but never finished one of them...So let me give you an update.

My attempt to work seems to get harder every day. So much has changed and the stress is not worth what I am being paid let alone it is not worth my health. The feeling in my feet and hands is not not getting any better and my doctor has informed me that since it has been over a year I will live with this the rest of my life. He also informed me my port would stay in as long as it is not giving me any problems...why are we leaving it in...well he told me that since I had stage 4 ovarian cancer that it is about 99% that the cancer will return but has no idea where or when. So everyday I live with this on my mind. If I get a new pain is it the cancer or maybe I just slept wrong. Who the hell knows...enough to drive a person crazy...Like I wasn't there before all this.

I did take a break last week and did a trip to the beach. I was a little worried about how I would react to the sun since it had been 2 years since I was in the sun. Sat on the beach for an hour and all was good.. Watched the sun come up, got to spend some time with a very special friend and show another some of my old hang spots in Dewey..It was so relaxing only bad thing is it was not long enough. But it did put me in a happy place for 24 hours. 

Funny how your out look on things changes so much when you go through a life changing experience. You learn to appreciate the littlest of things and what use to be important are thoughts long gone. You look at people different then before..you see things you never saw before..like I have said in many of my post.those who I thought would be there for me must of left the country and those who you hardly knew rose to the top..the cream of my life.

Cancer has not only ruined my life but the pain and heartache it has been on Ronny is not fair. He does not deserve this. He has been there for me and has done so much I will never be able to explain how much it means. 

I am going to close...before I start venting too much.

But before I go again I thank all of those who have been there for me you give me strength and help to keep me positive. Love all of you. You are truly special in so many ways.

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