Share. Connect. Love.

Long time no speak!

Hello Everyone,

Well. it's been quite some time since my last entry! The holidays have come and gone, and now we're all settling back into regular routines. Even chemo treatment has its routines, I've come to find, although there is a lot of uncertainty. However, as someone who is spending a lot of time sitting in the back seat while the doctors and the medicine drive me around (the bend, sometimes!), I have a lot of time to look at the Scenery of Life outside the windows. As such, I'm realizing that most of us are filling our lives with routines that perhaps act as a buffer against the certainty of uncertainty: the routines of schedule, the routine paths of thinking and reacting and feeling, or perhaps not feeling, might serve more as buffers and even walls that might control our trajectory and outcomes, rather than as rhythms that weave uncertainty into their warp and weft. [...]

First Stumble (or Why I Hate Mondays)

Well, I was told this wouldn't be a cakewalk. Today was more like a pie in the face. A sh*t pie. No one was laughing.

Today was the first truly difficult day. The meds have started to have their unpleasant side effects, so have decided to come off them. I don't know how people make it through a true and full rehab after years of addiction - it's not even been a week and getting off my comparably modest post-surgical cocktail is a tango with a hydra on the Titanic: cold yet sweaty, grasping and relentless, and I'm in stilettos. So is the hydra... Add to this a poor night's sleep, jittery hyper activity to get kids to school and us to my plastics appointment, and then driving rain and standstill traffic: well, this is apparently what they refer to as: "don't overdo it."[...]

Day 1- good morning MGH

Well, made it through the first night ok. Took a few small walks, experimented with various painkilling cocktails, and overall feeling ready for breakfast. I’m mostly achey and sore, and quite stiff. But the nurses are friendly and attentive, so I feel well cared for. Thank you to Marc for the wonderful patience and love yesterday- it was a long 6-hour wait for him before he could see me, and he showed up with flowers, chocolate and salami. Sent the latter home with him, but kept the first two without hesitation.[...]