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Posted 2014-03-22T17:00:34Z

Read by Carol Murray at Adam's Memorial Service

My name is Carol Murray and I'm a friend of Adam & Denise's from when they lived in NH.  I was student at the University of NH when Denise was a Hall Director there. Although we had common social connections I'm not sure we ever met or at least neither of us can recall. Denise says she may have heard about me which frightens me slightly about what she might have heard.

Our social paths would cross again though several years later forging a friendship that has lasted almost 25 years.  After receiving my Masters Degree in 1990, I applied to a community mental health center in Dover, NH where Denise and Adam had gotten hired as well. Adam in the adult outpatient department and Denise in the youth & family department. I recall going into my interview in the Adult department. They were a great group of folks who clearly all enjoyed one another's company, laughing, smiling and telling great stories.  Adam with his beard and bald head looked liked Freud so I figured he must be a therapist who really knew what he was doing. The group hired me and it was a job that I loved, as much for the friendships that developed that have fueled my life as the good works that we were doing. I loved working with Adam as did others throughout the agency. He was a funny, bright, ethical, kind, gentle and an honorable man. And everyone at the Agency knew this about him because of the respectful ways he walked amongst all of us. He was an outstanding therapist who cared deeply about helping his clients mend their broken spirits.

He was a trusted & beloved friend to me and to many others right from the very beginning. I just loved Adam and have always felt a dear connection with him, referring to him always as my big Jewish Brother. I could tell Adam anything no matter how trivial or personal. He and I never shied away from laughing & telling the grossest of stories that would make others laugh out loud & roll their eyes at us. Adam & I and the other folks in our group would sit at the office in between ct's, at lunch or after work and talk about what really mattered to us in life. He was a wonderful playmate when any of us needed a break from the days grind. I've been in touch with several of the folks that worked with Adam during those years at the mental health center and they are all equally heartbroken at his loss. They send their love to all of you for losing such an amazing guy.

I wanted to share with you that Adam was fascinated by my hair. When Adam & I worked together my hair was thicker and had a bit more bulk to it. Invariably in a work day or if we were out to dinner at some point he would come over to me, put his hand on my head and pat my head. He'd do this with the curiosity of a scientist trying to understand the bounce factor of my hair. He'd say, "So So Fluffy... Carol you have such thick hair." And in kind, at some other time, I would walk by him or stop by his office & rub his bald head and appreciate it's shininess with him. When we saw Adam a couple of times this year, just like always he patted my head complete with commentary. It warms my heart just to think of it.

One last story to leave you with that lacks a little social grace, but it was so Adam or it was Adam at that time anyway... Many years ago my former partner, Lauren and I flew out to Albuquerque before Noah and Benjamin were born to go on vacation with Adam & Denise. Sometime soon after arriving we were all hanging out, visiting & talking about our upcoming trip to Canyon deChelly when Adam not so subtly picked his nose. Of course we had to needle him about this a little and Adam turned it into an opportunity for a nose picking seminar for Lauren & I. While laughing & joking he provided us with a live glorious dramatic demonstration of nose picking as he explained that he was only trying to normalize that it was ok to pick your nose in the Southwest because of the dry climate. Then Denise joined in laughing heartily with her own interpretation reassuring us not to feel badly about doing it because everybody apparently picks their nose here. We were all so young, so silly and so excited about the adventures that life had in store for us.

I will miss my friend Adam for the rest of my life. No one will ever take up that place in my heart that was reserved just for him; that silly, tall, wonderful man who lovingly patted my head, my big Jewish brother.

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