It was recently brought to my attention that it has been almost a year and a half since I last wrote a post. I knew it had been awhile but was surprised to realize just how long. If I am being honest I haven't wrote a post because it scares me!
After my last post my moms health started declining at a faster speed. After a difficult few months she passed away in November 2018. Luckily she lived was us for three weeks during that time and the kids got to spend so much special time with Grandma. After she went home she continued to "play" with them 4 times a week until the week she passed. Though it was incredibly sad for me to lose my mom I was very worried about what this would do to Sofia. She was very very close with my mom and she knew that she and Grandma both had cancer. It was a sad time for all of us. But if we have learned anything it is to appreciate every moment, even the sad ones. We had a beautiful Christmas and told lots of stories about Grandma.
So back to why I am scared to write. As much as I want to scream from the rooftops that Sofia is doing great, it scares the hell out of me to say it out loud! Sofia just turned 7 and November 10th marks 4 years from her diagnosis, yet I still have that same pit in my stomach that I got on the day. I have come to understand that pit is my PTSD and I will learn to live with it. On a daily basis I watch my kids run, laugh and live life to the fullest and it makes me happier than I could even describe. Sofia is in first grade, dances jazz and hiphop and plays basketball (she will start softball in the spring). Noni is 4!! He goes to preschool and has just about the biggest and best personality of anyone, ever! There is a book called The Shack that I read shortly after my dad died and it gave me a lot of peace. In that book they talk about how certain people in the world are The Holy Spirit. That's Noni! He is the Holy Spirit here on Earth. The kids are still the best of friends with a little more arguing than before. Now that they are older there are a lot more questions, which we navigate the best we can. Noni wants to know when he will get Leukemia and Sofia wants to know everything. She still loves going to the hospital for her check ups but she now notices the bald kids who look very sick. She doesn't believe she ever looked like that. She has almost all happy memories of that time but she is realizing what a big deal it is to have what she had. It is all very normal and in the end it will make her stronger. Someday she will realize she is a badass!!
We have gone on many trips to make up for lost time. Lots of Disneyland trips (the kids are devastated our season passes are over) and even one trip to DisneyWorld. We've gone to the beaches, into the city and a few trips to Sonoma (my happy place). We have all made new friends and officially have a social life once again. So I scream it on the inside but say it quietly on the outside... Life is Great!
Thank you for the past four years. For reading and commenting and mostly for praying. We continue to do blood checks every 8 weeks and I still pray hard every day that my baby stays healthy and cancer free!
Love to all!
Gina, Mike, Sofia & Noni
ps- if you have an Instgram account, come follow us at @fifiandnoni
