On Monday afternoon we went to see our high risk OB for our weekly scheduled ultrasound to check on our baby girls. We were 14 weeks along and I had no doubt in my mind we were going to make it much farther. In fact, I was sure I had felt that first “flutter” of my girls a couple days prior. The ultrasound tech took a quick look…. and then left the room, for what felt like forever. I wasn’t sure what was taking so long, but in she came…with the doctor. I had a feeling this was going to be bad news. The doctor, kind and gentle, told me that she had seen the babies on a monitor from her office and that she wanted to be honest; she didn’t think there was a heartbeat. Tears instantly began to flow down my cheeks. She told me they were going to look again to make sure. There they were… Our beautiful baby girls on the screen, with no heartbeat. How could this be?! We had just seen and heard their heartbeat (and even gotten a recording of it) just 5 days earlier. Our hearts were crushed and we cried out in agony. The doctor briefly grieved with us, assured us that this had happened quickly and that our girls hadn’t felt any pain. She allowed us to stay back in the ultrasound room as long as we needed, and then told us to contact our regular OB when we left.
Once we gained enough composure to leave the office, we called our regular OB. We decided that we wanted to go in to be induced that night. So, at 8pm Monday night we walked into labor and delivery at our local hospital, knowing we would be walking out empty handed. As soon as we walked in, I saw our favorite nurse who we had gotten to know when we had our son almost 3 years ago. I had told my husband earlier that I hoped she would be would be there, so I cried instantly when I saw her. She was our nurse that night, through the thick of it with us. Our regular OB, who we are also very close with, was not the doctor on call that night, but chose to stay with us that night. We had to go through this difficult process, but having people there we knew personally gave us an immense amount of comfort. I thank God for orchestrating that so beautifully for us.
I labored through the night, and at 5:09 Tuesday morning, almost as soon as I got my epidural, our girls were born. Lillian Norma & Charlotte Joy; they were beautiful, and perfect and so very tiny. They placed them in my arms and we got to love them and grieve the loss of them in those precious, first moments. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room during those first minutes. I’m so very thankful for the time we got to spend with them. We got to hold them, get pictures with them and just enjoy having them in our room. Our family got to meet them and everyone agreed they both had their brother’s cute, little nose.
I can’t even begin to describe the pain, but also the profound peace that we’ve felt throughout this whole process. We’ve seen so much beauty and peace and love, even in our darkest moments. God has shown His unfailing love to us continuously; many times through His people. Our family, friends and even complete strangers, have rallied around us in ways that we can never repay. The love, and the prayers and the kind words have touched our lives so intensely.
We got to spend 14 weeks with our baby girls. 14 nauseous, tired, belly-stretching; painful, confusing, heart-breaking; loving, grace-filled, beautiful weeks. Even though our journey has been difficult, it has also been eye-opening and beauty-filled. Our girls have changed our lives and hearts forever, and many lives around us. I’d never change those 14 weeks. This has been the most heart-breaking season of our lives, but we know, without a doubt, that we will get to see our girls in heaven someday. We know that they are whole and perfect and in the arms of Jesus now. If I’m not able to have my babies here with me, then who better to be taking care of them right now than the God who created them.
Thank you ALL for loving us. And for loving our girls. We will treasure them forever.
The Greene Family of 5