A Must Read Update from Caleb Barton

It can be hard, overwhelming even, to live in a place of such poverty. Every person, every child and every animal I come into contact with has countless needs and countless family members with countless needs. It is impossible to meet 1/100th of the needs within a square mile of where I sleep. It is not just the overwhelming poverty that has begun to feel heavy, but I am viewed as someone who can meet all the needs because I have an endless supply of money. This is the cultural view of American’s and it is a warped. There is no distinction between a retired American and a poor missionary, we are all viewed the same. When I give everything I have, the people never see, or don’t choose to see, the sacrifice it took to give to all those people and children. They don't see the sweaty nights because I had no fan. They don't see that I have been sleeping on the floor for two years because I have no bed. They don’t see that I have no place to put my close and I eat oatmeal two times a day every day. Those people I can't help, because I absolutely have no more, feel as if I am holding back on them. They think I have the money to help but am not willing, this is painful!

My heart has been right in giving the last two years. The burden became heavy at times, but I would pray and seek and the Lord would always answer. I have had joy in my heart when I give to others and the sacrifices have seemed little. But this year has been much harder. As I have assumed the responsibility of a school and the bills and other financial responsibilities that go with a school, things have been tight. The money that once went to meeting the needs of the people around me is now going to my Visa, electric and Internet bills, food etc. Most people here and even those closes to me do not understand that what I used to give was all I had and now I have to take care of these new responsibilities and I have none left.

My heart began to grow cold this year, as some of the people I gave the most to have began to look at me as a selfish person. That has been hard, to see those sacrificed the most for, return the sacrifice with insults, ouch! I know, however, that this is the mind of Christ, that He gave everything for those that deserve nothing. So often, if not every day, I am not thankful as I should be to the One who gave it all.

So I turned to Him and began to pray that my heart may change. I want a heart that loves those who are very hard to love. I want a heart that joyfully gives to those who return it with insults. I want a heart that sacrifices everything and does it with joy and thankfulness and expects nothing in return.

The Lord has begun to answer my prayer with about a month ago. We have a new student named Danilo. He is very poor, but has a desire to study the Word. His mother and father are in their sixties, but very sickly. Danilo does whatever work he can to help his family survive. I told him I would pay for his travelling expenses so he could get home on the weekends and return to school Tuesday, so he could continue to help his family. Danilo travelled home one Friday and he found his mother passed out in their hut. She was dazed, very sick and in bad shape. He was helpless and called me for help. I didn't know what to do. I don't have that type of money to just send someone to the hospital. I prayed and told him to take his mother to the hospital because she might die and the Lord would provide. The Lord did provide, his mother was treated and a sibling from Manila helped pay the bill, which was relatively small.

Two weeks later, Danilo ended up in the hospital. He had an amoeba, or something similar from the water and became very sick. He was calling Pastor Josh for financial help, but pastor Josh had no money. Danilo told Pastor Josh to ask me. I had known earlier that day, because I had overheard their conversation. Honestly, my heart was hard. Danilo was mad that I didn't help immediately with his mother. He figured I had enough money to help, but I was not willing to help his sick mom, which is not true!

So when I heard he was in the hospital I knew what would be coming. I was wrestling with the Lord, as He began to put scriptures in my head. By the time Pastor Josh told me about Danilo I was broken.

This is what the Lord told me, "whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?" (1John 3:17)

My heart broke and my eyes were opened to the situation. The hospital would not let him out until he paid the bill, and would add to the bill every day. He was helpless and scared and my heart was hardened to his pain and needs. I really didn't have the money, I had had 2,000 pesos saved for a birthday present for someone special. It turns out, the cost of the trip and the bill, was about 2,000 pesos. There was no question now, but to give it all and trust the Lord for the future. I felt awful! I could not believe how hard my heart had gotten and I was in tears over it. How many others have I treated this way? I texted Danilo and told him Pastor Josh would be there in the morning to get him out of the hospital and I couldn't come because I was waiting for building materials to be delivered to the school. He was so excited and thankful, praising God for answering his prayer.

I could see the Lord moving and knew the trip would be amazing.

As pastor Josh got to the hospital Danilo's mother and father were there. They were sad, scared and helpless. No family member would help Danilo and his mother and father do not have enough to eat most of the time, let alone enough to pay a hospital bill. They began to tell Pastor Josh of their hopeless situation. The nurses all knew the story as well, since they had been witnessing it for the last few days. No one understood why Josh travelled so far with that money to help Danilo, someone he had only known for a month, when the family refused to help.

Pastor Josh told them why, because it was not him, but he was representing Someone and that Someone has come to help and loves them more than they could ever know. He informed that they are not helpless. Pastor Josh had an opportunity to whiteness to Danilo's mother and father and the nurses. He was so excited when he returned and couldn't wait to tell me all about it.

I need prayer for a heart that is willing to give everything to those that return the gift with insults. A heart that counters insults with love. Please pray for faith that can look upon so much need and have it look tiny compared to the one Provider of all things. A heart that looks with compassion on those that are looking to take advantage of me and instead of being offended, respond with companionate love.

To many times I treat the Lord this same way. Insulting Him with a heart that does not give thanks as it should. How long did I follow Him to get something from Him as if He was not enough. Every time, He responds in love and looks upon me with compassion. Lord, change my heart and make it new, allow it to love as You do...