A New Season
Hi everyone!
It has been a long time since I have written an update. I have attempted to write several times and failed over the last few months. I was hit with a rogue wave of trials, blindsided and overwhelmed by issues I never saw coming. The good news is I am finally getting my strength back and feeling the joy of The Lord once again.
I think most of us, at least me and my family, thought if my wife and I could get out of the Philippines and back to the states that my physical, mental and spiritual condition would drastically improve. This made sense, better food, care, family and doctors. However, this was not the case. I could handle being beat up physically from the storm, the seizure and the lack of food. I could bear the memory loss, paranoia and vertigo. But what was unbearable was not feeling the presence of The Lord through it all. All of this put me into a deep dark place, a depression like I have never felt. Day in and day out I asked The Lord where He was and what was happening to me. I searched the Scripture for times The Lord pulled away His presence or Spirit and what could be the cause of my physical, mental and spiritual decline. I came to a place of such helplessness I thought of taking my own life. It was a serious thought that was only stopped because I knew I had to fight for my wife. At the time she was my reason for living. To be honest, I still have no real answers for why I went through the trials of the last year, but I can say I have a new and deepened thankfulness for the Spirit of Christ who holds me together in every way. When I say 'without Him I am nothing' I mean that in a way I never could before. I am truly thankful for my family who have given me this time of rest and came along side me in my struggles holding me up when I couldn't stand.
I do have good news! I was approved for an IEHP health insurance plan that will allow me to see the specialists I have been waiting to see. My health is physically, mentally and spiritually improving daily. Also, I am planning on going back to the Philippines in June with my dad and a small group called the 'Peace Project'. The vision of the 'Peace Project' is from an artist in Holly Wood named Lisa Schultz. She is an amazing lady and she really has a heart to help rebuild where the storm tore down. Our objective will be to build 200 houses and a community centre in three weeks on a small island near Cebu. My dad will be building and teaching the Filipino's who will be working alongside, taking part in rebuilding their homes and lives. As for me, I will help where needed and look for every opportunity to share The Lord with those around us. My dad and I will take a trip to East Samar where I will see my family and friends. I am praying that somehow we will be able to build them one of these houses we are building on the other island. The houses cost $500 but to my wife's family it would be priceless! There living condition is very sad even for Filipino standards and the storm left them with absolutely nothing. I know the Lord will work it out as my wife, I and my dad begin to pursue it. Unfortunately, Cris Ann cannot join us because of immigration issues. She really wants to come and I want her to come even more, but The Lord has other plans.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for us and supported us financially in this last year. My wife and I are so grateful for your support, words are not enough to express our thankfulness. Please continue to pray for us whenever The Lord brings us to mind as we have much healing left to go. I will leave you with this and mean it from the deepest part of my soul, that all good things come from God and we can do nothing good without the Spirit of Christ who works all things together for His good will.
Comments (7)
So glad to hear that you are feeling better. God is so good to us, always faithful. I will be praying for your trip, your continued healing, and your entire family.
Praying for your continued restoration and the Presence of God to be manifested in your life as never before. Blessings to you, Cris Ann and your whole family.
Caleb, so glad you are feeling better. Continuing to pray for you and Cris Ann.
Caleb, So appreciate the update. You have really been on my heart the last few months and am continuing to pray for continued strength and healing. It is so good to know that even when we don't feel the presence of the Lord,, He is still there wrapping us in his loving arms. Sure will be praying for your trip in June and that everything will fall into place according to God's plan. God's riches blessings on you,, Cris Ann and your entire family
So glad to hear from you Caleb. I too have been praying for God's touch on you and Chris Ann. We will continue praying as you continue holding on to Him and his promises!
I believe that those who go through deep trials and come out the other side will also do great things through Christ. So glad to hear you are feeling better. We will continue to pray for you all and this new project.
..."But what was unbearable was not feeling the presence of The Lord through it all." You have been through far more that I ever have, but that was what surprised me in my five-week stay in the hospital two years ago -- not feeling the presence of the Lord at all! I used to walk in His presence all the time when I was younger and had few responsibilities, and I thought that if I were ever incarcerated that I would have a gay old time, just me and God. Well, being that sick and stuck in that blah room was a type of incarceration (incarcerated in my own body, if nothing else), and I didn't have a gay old time with God. Instead, my thoughts were dark. Jesus was showing me His sufferings, and I was wrestling with Him, not able to bear seeing it, not wanting to feel it. I was really happy for the first week or so, but by the third surgery, with tubes hanging out of me, I became a real grump. Eventually I got to feeling well enough (ungrumpy) to start encouraging and blessing the nurses who came to my room, but I still wasn't having a good time with the Lord. I LIKE feeling the Lord's presence, but at times like that we have to trust His word that "Lo I am with you alway," that He never leaves us or forsakes us. There's a part of our brain that registers pleasure. Some people have permanent damage to it. For those of us going through a tough physical ailment, I guess it can get out of whack for a while. It's good, at times like that, to remember that this is a walk of faith, not of sight or of feeling. I'm sorry for all you've been through, and hope you are once again feeling God's love and His presence. Know this, that God wastes nothing! And you have this to look forward to: that the sufferings you have been experiencing don't BEGIN to compare with the weight of glory God is working in you! :) Love and blessing to you, your wife, and your family who have been going through this with you. That scripture applies to all of you! 2 Cor. 4:10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. 2 Cor. 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; 18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.