Since being diagnosed back in September, I've been admitted as an emergency back into hospital 3 times. There is always something going wrong - first blood clots, then low calcium, then low sodium and high potassium. These drops in blood elements (and their inability to rise despite treatment) illustrate how badly the cancer has affected my liver.
To add to this, the cancer has spread to my brain.
Add to this, the new wonder drug Palbociclib, was just too slow to counter my aggressive and fast moving cancer. Another more traditional and tough chemo is needed instead.
But here's catch 22:. my liver has and continues to be so badly damaged by the cancer something aggressive must be used to stop it BUT my liver is so badly damaged it it will struggle to cope with the toxic load of the trad chemo. There's a chance it will improve things, a chance it will make things worse and more sobering, a chance it could kill me.
With this in mind, I've decided not to continue treatment. This time when we asked about prognosis I got a classic cancer response, "a matter of weeks". If I did go ahead with the chemo how long could it prolong the prognosis? A couple of more weeks.
That sort of sealed the deal.
Upside? I get to go home today and the local Hospice and MacMillan will make sure I get all the support I need at home.
We are also throwing the doors open and I would love to see anyone who still wants to see me. I guess we're not really done processing and this is now is the next level of realness which is tough one to compute. But we miss you all and it would be really lovely to see you.
This time bring photos. As I'm on a big nostalgia trip at the moment and it would be lovely to reminisce.
And gossip don't forget the gossip.
Of course I feel even worse than I was at the start and I tire quite easily (just to warn you it's not you it's me so after about an hour I mostly start to fade plus I'm quite weak so don't expect any arm wrestling or feats of strength during your visit).
Ping me a message and we'll sort out a time. As you can imagine my diary is quite open so you suggest what will work for you.