EXPECTATIONS

I never expected to be in the hospital with my 3 week old, to hear the words “permanent brain damage” in relation to my child, or to have the excitement of our first Christmas as a family of 5 disappear as I fight to simply survive this emotional and physical roller coaster. As I reflect on the Christmas story, I suspect Mary had several of those same feelings. She never expected to be visited by an angel, to be told she was going to have a baby, and to deliver that baby in a stable with nowhere but a manger to lay him in. “May it be as you have said” has not been my response. I still wish this was not my story. But the more that I accept it, the more that I am blessed by it. I am blessed when I see how many of you are following Brock’s story and lifting him up to the Father in prayer, when I go home to find it has been cleaned and repairs have been made, to find wrapped gifts under the tree, and medical bills being paid before they’ve even been received.

We were told two days ago to expect Brock to have significant delays and issues with feeding by mouth- that he may never nurse again and we might go home with a feeding tube. The swallow study done yesterday showed that Brock is definitely out of practice with his suck/swallow/breathe pattern and he fatigues quickly, but that he was not at high risk for aspirating. They moved his feeding tube from his duodenum to the top of his stomach, and he is now getting 78 ml of milk every 3 hours instead of having the continuous feeds. At each feeding time, we have 15 minutes to let him eat by mouth- letting him take no more than 7 sucks before tilting the bottle down to make him rest for about 10 seconds. Whatever he has not eaten at the end of 15 minutes is then put into his feeding tube, but not before checking the placement of the tube with a stethoscope- which Brad and I have both been taught how to do. We have also learned how to give his anti-seizure medication through his tube, but we are hopeful he will soon be able to take it orally, that he will complete his feeds orally, and we get rid of that little yellow tube!

Last night, Brock began running fever, and today it was confirmed that he has a small cold. Please pray his body can fight this quickly! His normal cuddly self is rather irritable, and he isn’t allowed to be swaddled while he is running a temperature, so it results in crying baby and sleepy mommy and daddy.

Brad and I have been able to break away from the hospital scene a few times. Last Sunday, we went to watch the girls’ Christmas program at church, and today, I was able to go to their preschool Christmas parties (see pictures above). It’s great to have family and friends who are willing to sit with Brock so that we can be involved with the things the girls are doing. Both girls even got to come up for a very short visit today. It was so great to be all together…to not feel like I was choosing one child over the other.

It doesn’t take long in a hospital to realize that this building is full of people who imagined their life another way.

In the midst of this, we are blessed, God is good, and we are certainly not alone (http://russellfrantz.com/2013/12/19/solidarity/).

~Brad and Taryn Morrow