SITTING ON THE EDGE...

Brock’s MRI is scheduled for tomorrow morning. It is very exciting to think that we could be getting released from the hospital in less than 12 hours. On the other hand, tomorrow could take a different route…but I am not even letting my mind go there currently. All of Brock’s medication has been called into an outside pharmacy and is currently waiting for us to pick up. We have names and numbers of people we could potentially need to contact. We’ve been over many if/then scenarios. Our pediatrician has encouraged us to be extremely cautious, but to live and enjoy life- to go to church, to not change our schedules as to never get Brock out in public. However, it is flu and RSV season and either are guaranteed to land us back here.

So, with all that said…if you see us in public, don’t be surprised. Know that we are trying to live and enjoy life- we’ve been reminded of just how quickly things can change. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. At the same time, we have a baby whose immune system would be weak anyway, but is now even more compromised due to 28 days of antibiotics to fight a terrible infection. When you see us, please don’t try to touch Brock; please don’t come near if you’ve had fever, or even a runny nose. I have become extremely aware of the fact that a small runny nose for an adult could easily be RSV that sends a baby like Brock into the ER with breathing complications. We have to be extra careful to keep Brock well; to keep all of us well. This is very much a first for us. We are learning about how to go about all of this in a non-“mama-bear”/”papa-bear” way. Please know the last thing we ever intend to do is hurt anyone’s feelings. We know you want to see Brock, and to hold him…we wish that you could, but it’s simply not safe for him to be passed around, kissed on, and snuggled extra tightly at this juncture. Those days will come. In the meantime, love on him from a distance- that shows us how much you love us, really.

What we need to see in the MRI scan tomorrow is that the fluid is not putting any excess pressure on his brain. The ventricles could potentially be the same size, although that would likely bring us back much sooner for another out-patient MRI. Ideally, (best case scenario) the CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) will have begun draining the way it’s supposed to- down the spinal cord. As long as the ventricles remain larger than normal, the VP shunt is still a future possibility. We have made friends here, and today was spent saying goodbye to many amazing nurses that have loved on Brock and blessed us on this journey. I pray we made an impact on them, just like their love and attention to Brock has impacted us. It is certainly easy to see how this is so much more than a job to many of them. They rejoice with us- and are rooting for great results from his scan.

Please pray for results that mean we can leave the hospital…or better yet, never need to have a follow-up with neurosurgery. We are very eager to feel like a family of five again- to eat dinner together, laugh together, dance together, and pray together. I look forward to conversations with Brynlee about how God answered her prayers to bring baby Brock home. It’s really neat to hear about things she has prayed for while we have been here in the hospital. Even at such a young age, this has shaped how she prays. She prays more than anyone else I know…literally- for pretty much any reason you could think of. She prays in the car, alone in her bed, mid-conversation, before meals, DURING meals, on the playground, etc. I hope that desire to talk to God is never quenched. We have so much to learn from her.

I haven’t expounded here what exactly the specific treatment will be if the results of the MRI do NOT show what we are hoping to see. For our sanity, we’d almost rather not know- as if NOT KNOWING will make it less likely. But we have to focus on positive outcomes being this close to the “end”. I wonder what the extent of Moses’ sadness/anger was when he learned that he would not be allowed to lead the Israelites into the Promises Land, being able to see it but only sitting on the edge of it. I bet I would feel a lot like he did; the difference being that we’ve been wandering through this exhausting hospital journey for exactly 4 weeks, whereas the Israelites wandered the wilderness for 40 years. That being said, we’re told to prepare for what could very realistically be a 40(+) year situation with Brock’s health. If that’s what the future holds, then I pray we use this time of questioning and “wilderness” as a conduit lifelong spiritual growth. I suppose it would be more accurate to say, I pray GOD uses this time and experience in such a way that we may better learn what it means to be made in God’s image and how we reflect His glory in a way that makes his Kingdom grow. I don’t know how that would happen, but we know at least two things to be true: 1) God loves us deeply, 2) despite whatever situation we find ourselves in, God can make something good come out of it. We simply cannot say it enough times in enough ways… THANK YOU for being here for us. 2013 was the hardest year of our lives dealing with this hospital visit, but it was also the best- BECAUSE OF YOU! (Or rather, God working THROUGH you.) Allow Brock to be in your prayers come about 8:00am.

Grace and Peace~

Brad and Taryn