Michael Epstein
The picture of the Meg Edson's "funcle" still hangs in my mom's kitchen. thanks for sending that!
97 Guest posts
Ralph Sonnenschein
Fred and Sara, Ralph and I will never forget your many kindnesses-the gift of car when Ralph could again see to drive, your lovely brunch after our wedding, Sara's thoughtful baking of Ralph's favorite pineapple-upside-down cake for his 77th birthday party and on and on. Our lives are richer for having known you. Love from us both.
Ralph and Mandy
David Epstein
And here is Michael's poem:
Between Seasons
My place, San Francisco, has no seasons they say.
Indeed in January you see blooming bottlebrush
Next to leaves, green, turning autumnal yellow.
You too are in between seasons
You too are going and arriving at this time
You are wilted in body and blooming in collective memory
Your leaving brings a retelling
And a retelling a revealing
And it’s a revealing of you
In me.
The many versions and branches of you
Sprout in the cracks of a vast network of hearts
Memories of numbers:
Your ’49 Chevy cost you $400 in ’55 to drive those 13 miles down Mass Ave to Brandeis
The $6000 a year from McDonnell Douglass in ’57 turned down for $4200 and a mop from your pops.
Your thousand dollar grant from the ACLU in ’71 to beef up the Eastern Missouri operation, those tens of thousands your dad put into a property in Chorpus Christy landing you in Dallas on the Day JFK died, and those sad 500 steps from Park East tower to Barnes where you went away.
Memories of that mench:
His warm smile, way of probing, mind of determination, focus on future, collective approach, endless marriage, happy family, sustained industry, innovation, justice, legacy, vitality, and writing.
My writing this now, that comes from and goes back to you.
And so we blossom, in these myriad memories, a strange spring in September. A time when memories fuel the future. Memories dominate the now. Memories help us see ourselves and who we are becoming.
Until we lie between, and beyond seasons.
David Epstein
My remarks at the memorial service:
There is a hole in the world today. A Fred-shaped hole; a father-shaped hole. We can never completely fill it, Dad being who he was. But,
• Every time we cheer at a Cardinals game;
• Every time we barbecue chicken;
• Every time we sit down and ask someone how they are and really listen to the answer;
• Every time we describe a New Yorker cartoon and laugh at it all over again;
• Every time we pick up the perfect little gift for our wife (or husband) in a museum gift shop;
• Every time we eat a big, juicy O’Connell’s hamburger;
• Every time we take an afternoon nap, but only after yawning a lot and telling everyone about the great nap we’re about to take;
• Every time we tell the truth, even if it’s hard, especially if it’s hard, because that’s the way you do things;
• Every time we have coffee and bagels with our bike club, whether or not we actually went on the bike ride;
• Every time we see politics as an extension of our own personal values, and public service as a chance to do some good in the world;
• Every time we instantly agree to do something spontaneous with our friends, like making a Ted Drewe’s run after dinner;
• Every time we love our children unconditionally and support them without reservation, no matter how badly they’ve messed up;
• Every time we greet each new day with a gleam in our eye;
It helps to mend the fabric of the universe just a little, to fill a portion of that void. We will never be the same without you, Dad, but we can live the rest of our lives a little bit in your honor every day.
Michael Epstein
We had a second Shiva with some close friends when I got back to San Francisco after the Memorial Service. It was comforting hearing about friend's memories of my dad, and about how my peers have dealt with loss in general. It was a surprisingly upbeat mood, which I think Fred would have approved of. Many of the memories were about his conversational skills and overall enthusiasm for life. I needed that. Thanks friends.
David Epstein
Hi David. Stephen Femans suggested I forward this photo of Fred I took of him a couple weeks ago at Cafe Ventana where the guys were having coffee. Fred was not riding and neither was I due to a kInline image 1nee injury, so I had been picking him up. It was the last time the gang saw Fred as a group. I had my camera and snuck this photo of him in the course of shooting the group. I will miss him dearly.
My heartfelt condolences,
Allen Levin
Kirby Westheimer
Dear Sara and family,
For me to share with you my profound sorrow upon learning of Fred’s death must seem unlikely as I was not an intimate or even an insider to your lives or his. That, however, has always been an unnecessary basis for my admiration of and my affection for Fred and you.
I met you both as an early age adolescent, in retrospect during a necessarily brief phase of our lives. A phase, however, uniquely open to profound impressions of those handful of people who were to become archtypes. As an adolescent one is peculiarly open to the influence of powerful personalities. So to say that Fred was an archtype is to reflect precisely the way I perceived and was influenced by him.
The first time I heard Lizst’ B Minor Sonata, I was driving down a highway outside El Paso. The music was so unique, so arresting and compelling, I instinctively pulled off the highway, stopped the car, turned off the motor and just absorbed. Something was going on that before I had never ever experienced. Metaphorically, this was Fred’s effect on me.
Fred was an archtype because, even at age 14 and 15, my age in 1952 and 1953, Fred affected my development disproportionately to my exposure to him. Probity, warmth, acceptance, inquiry, intellect and strength are qualities radiating from Fred that affected me profoundly more than 50 years ago. And today. These are qualities that persist, I can never forget and that continue to shape who I became.
I share your loss, Sara. Fred was not only a dear friend, but a guiding light to me still. Please share my memories with your children and grandchildren who should know even more about Fred’s life enhancing powers.
With Love,
Kirby
Hannah Priwer Stevens and Ruth Priwer Smith
Freddy and Hannah in 2007 at Carl and Jo Seltzer's. He was such a good listener, never in a hurry.
Bert Brandenburg
I was privileged to start working with Fred about 10 years ago, and he provided such indispensable advice for my leadership duties at a nonprofit organization. We became friends, and I was fortunate to visit with him and Sara in St. Louis several times. He was the kind of person who went out of way to give you an encouraging word, he loved his life and the lives of people around him, and he was terrific with our kids. What more could you ask for? Farewell to a wonderful friend, and deep sympathies to Sara and his family.
Dina Gruenfeld
So sorry for your loss. Fred was deeply loved and admired by us all. He will be missed.
Susan Bromberg
Sara, Becky, David, Ted and Michael,
It is hard to put into words how I feel about Fred’s passing. Your family has been such a large part of my life. I have wonderful memories of our weekend trips to Sam A Baker State Park; all the parents in 1 cabin and all the kids in another and the Sunday football games that would happen before we all would pack up and head back home.
All of the times that Fred would be at my parent’s house talking to my mom and getting “attached” by Bruin when he would come into the house. And we can’t forget the Christmas Eve Parties at my parents’ house when everyone would be singing around the piano and Fred and Sara would always come by the next day to see what “Santa” brought everyone.
Your family has opened your house to us on many occasions from our pre-wedding dinner to my parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary Party.
I know that I could call Fred anytime and he would listen and help in any way that he could. I am so happy to say that he and your family has been a part of our family for so many years. And I’m glad that Al and have been able to Fred and Sara this past year every time we were in town.
He will be missed by our family and my mother very much and please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I know that Fred lived a life full of joy, laughter, was surrounded by friends and family who loved him very much, and he was a great influence on us all.
He will be missed.
Susan
Sheila Rocchio
Fred was one of my mom's favorite people. They were classmates at MIT and Fred, Sara and all the Espteins have been wonderful family friends to us all for so many years. Fred always made a effort to stay in touch and get together when he was in town despite his wide circle of friends and colleagues. We had many memorable adventures in Boston, at Durgin Park (the site of the famously ordered "Rhode Island Clam Chowder"), family weddings and in recent years on Cape Cod. Fred had the ability to see the funny side of any situation and was genuinely curious about people and their stories. Fred was always a bundle of positive energy. He had so many different interests and was successful on all his fronts. He had a wonderful loving family, successful business and an ability to directly impact socialjustice through his work at the ACLU. We all loved Fred (who didn't) and I am so sorry that he is gone. Thinking of you all with love and best wishes.
David Friedlander
And two more photos from 1992 (Fred alone) and 1991 (Fred & Sara in profile)
David Friedlander
I was truly saddened to hear of Fred's passing. Since David and I met at age 2 or 3, I cannot remember NOT knowing Fred. There were so many weekend playdates at the Epstein home, as well as family get-togethers and shared life-cycle events (even 20 years after I left St. Louis and with a family of my own), that I had many opportunities to share in Fred's warmth and interest in others.
I hope these photos of mine from the 1987-1992 time period help capture some of those happy times.
ANA CASINO
My dearest family,
I wish I was there with you all but technology allows miracles to happen! and I could share this lovely gathering of today with all dad's friends and family....such a large group!
I've listened to many friends, colleagues and his four children, Becky (3rd floor talks late at night, that was a must), David , Ted and Michael. Many of you talked about his sense of humour, his intelligence and his wisdom, his pursuit for justice ... but what it certainly touched me was to hear how much we all learnt from him by just being at his side, how much love he gave unconditionally to all of us...that is the word, unconditional, no matter who you were or how big your mistake could be... he was always there, permanently smiling , giving you his advise, mixing truth with laugh so you could better digest the reality...
I already miss him so much!!! but as you all said, he will be alive in our hearts giving light in my life, as he always did, even in the distance.
Thanks Fred for letting me being your Spanish daughter....
and Cheers daddy with the best Scotch I have at home (The Balvenie, ...have you tried it, dad?) ANA