still going well, and more about the hair

Well, I made it through the evening with only one moment of queasiness and only a moderate amount of gassiness, and slept quite well after taking a lorazepam. I woke up earlier than I wanted to and only dozed for a while after that, but was feeling happy not to be uncomfortable!! Finally I got hungry around 6:30 so I got up to figure out which meds I need to take before, during, and after my small (to start with) breakfast of more potato salad and seaweed and 1/3 of a banana. That all seems to be sitting well so far!! I'm allowing myself to feel some real optimism that this treatment will continue to be much better than the first one...!

More reflections I want to share, and responses to questions, about the hair: I did not pick the design, as Spencer was in a bit of a rush -- I showed him a few pictures I'd found online that I liked, and told him it didn't need to be elaborate. In addition to the left side that's clear in the pictures, there is a large rosebud on the back (though some say it looks like a face or bucky badger). I really like the part I can see in the mirror, that looks kind of like two waves spiraling in on each other --- like the "hey-iya-if" in Ursula Le Guin's Always Coming Home, or like a yin-yang. I like the feeling of making a liberating statement -- and, in aikido philosophy which is part of my somatics practice, of stepping forward to meet an oncoming challenge, rather than waiting until it is upon you (this was not conscious on my part, but Joan's comment of it seeming too soon at first to her, and then getting it, helped me realize that was why this felt empowering to me). 

I also have noticed that when I run my hand along the top of my head, "along the grain," that is, the direction that smooths my hair rather than the bristly direction, it feels incredibly soothing. It feels like caressing a baby's head -- and probably elicits buried memories of being soothed as a baby in this way. Who knew? I recommend trying it some day if you've ever had the inclination to go super short. It's both tough-looking and tender-feeling at the same time. 

It is, however, still quite chilly here in WI a lot of the time, so I'm mostly wearing hats or scarves. At chemo yesterday I visited the wig etc. salon and got 3 free head coverings -- just what I needed, 2 hats of lighter-weight materials (t-shirt material) and a scarf with built-in ties. I even almost wore a swim cap to swim in (yes I managed a 35 minute swim yesterday morning before chemo!), because I was afraid my head would be cold. I brought it out to the pool with me and nearly put it on but didn't in the end. The feeling of the water directly against my scalp and minutely waving my short hair was new, and felt kind of free -- like riding a bike without a helmet -- and having my ears more exposed also meant the water sloshing sounds were different. And the young female lifeguard with long hair admired my hair and said she'd wanted to shave her head last spring for a fundraiser but it was right before graduation and she let her boyfriend and her family talk her out of it.