feeling good enough to write an update before bed -- hallelujah!

Well so far I've been feeling okay with this new chemo and the recovery from the port placement. I've had a few twinges of stomach discomfort, but was able to enjoy some of the Thai food delivered to us tonight, and had a wonderful shiatsu session this evening which helped me relax and even made me feel happy some of the time! The oncologist sent me home without two of the major anti-nausea meds (Emend & dexamethasone) they prescribed for the previous chemo side effects, because they don't expect as much nausea with this set. I still have granisetron and compazine to take as needed. I'm trying to be curious about the stomach twinges, and practice "hosting" the sensations and my reactions to them, rather than letting my fear and aversion run away unchecked, which tends to exacerbate the stomach distress. (I got this idea of using the "hosting" concept this way over this past weekend at a wonderful Inner Refuge retreat with Marcy Vaughn, hosted by Anne Forbes of Partners in Place). I'm also trying to "surrender to the unknowable," including what the next moment/hour/day will feel like; this phrase came out of an alignment coaching session given to me yesterday by Robert Gass, one of my brilliant teachers. 

There were lots of new experiences today, given that I've never had even a minor surgery before – e.g. being rolled around the UW Clinics in a hospital bed (really good views of all the light fixtures, some of them badly in need of cleaning; not so great views of the other people in the hallways); having things done to me and for me – all contribute to a greater appreciation for the kinds of things people with chronic physical disabilities experience every day, all of their lives. How picky should I be about how the nursing assistant tucks the blankets around my neck? How many different times should I ask Don to get me something out of my backpack, or from upstairs, or should I do it myself?

It was great to have my old friend David visiting and supporting us throughout the day. I was also able to frequently remember and act on some advice Sister Chodon, the leader of East Side Friends of the Dharma, gave me & Don, which is to connect with the medical people as people, to be present with them, and to expect them to be present with me: Today I was cared for by Alicia and a young male nurse (John, I think) with a tattoo of Guernica wrapped all the way around his arm (I think he was kind of amazed when I asked, is that Guernica?, and pleased when I said I liked it), and Vonda (named after a Dutch beauty queen, her parents were Dutch), and Dr. Robert (yes, he goes by Bob) Linville (sp?), and Laura who remembered me from last chemo treatment, and Alyssa (I told her about my cousin Alyssa, and about how when my Dad went through a gardening phase when I was little and planted alyssum and I couldn't remember the name of the wonderful, sweet-smelling flowers, he helped me learn it by saying "it's like your cousin, Alyssa."; she said she likes to plant them too). All of these folks were impeccably kind and skilled, and mostly able to connect when I opened to them in this way. 

I am so blessed to have such support on this journey.