henna and heart updates

Well, I have been feeling like writing lately, but have been too busy living to do it! Time with my friend Jean, time at sangha, time with family, and a lovely swim in Lake Wingra yesterday.... As a result I feel "behind" on writing -- so many topics swirling through my mind.

Many people have asked how the sleeping with henna paste went, so here are the pictures. I found what I think may be called a "snood" -- it was among my purchases for head-coverings when I knew I'd be losing my hair, but was a disappointing one. It had way too much fabric to be useful as a sleeping-hat, and I couldn't figure out any fashion to do with it. But, with a hole cut in it for my face, it makes a perfect light-weight hood! I taped it to my cheeks and forehead and the back of my t-shirt with paper bandage-tape and it worked very well for sleeping. The inside of it got some of the henna design on it -- perhaps this is how the Shroud of Turin got its image of Jesus' (or someone's) face?!  

It was quite a challenge to get all of the black paste off my skin in the morning before my cardiology appointment at 8:30 -- every little piece had to be peeled/crumbled off with my fingers/fingernails. It did all come off eventually, and the process didn't hurt at all, and only stained my sink a little after I removed the peelings from the sink (!). If I'd been weaker though, I wouldn't have been able to do it all myself. The results on my head are quite lovely, especially from the back & sides. I will post more pictures soon. Despite its challenges the process was worth the money and effort -- while it was being done, I realized that, there are so many things being done to my body by the doctors, nurses, and technicians -- that it felt empowering to have something being done to my body that's fully of my choosing, that causes no pain, and that creates beauty. 

My visit to the cardiologist on Friday went well; I'd called the day before to request that any further testing be coordinated for the same day if possible, since I still planned to leave for clay camp on Sunday if possible. This turned out to be another smart self-advocacy move, because he ordered a partial echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart) that they did before I saw him. This was a follow-up to the pre-chemo echo that they do routinely for people receiving one of the drugs I got early in my treatment, since it can cause heart damage. They found no damage, yay!!! He doesn't know why I have had elevated troponin levels, but basically said not to worry about it, or about the mild chest pain I've been having while at rest at times. He said if I have chest pain or shortness of breath during exercise, that can be a symptom of blocked arteries, which is serious. 

I was relieved, of course -- not just that I don't have heart damage, but also that I'm allowed to keep exercising as much as I can. I had gotten worried about doing so -- was it causing heart strain?? And with all the lying around in the hospital, and not being able to do as much with low hemoglobin, I was really starting to feel like I was starting to get a lot weaker. 

There's a LOT more to write about here -- about fear of death and disability, and about how I feel exercise and other practices contribute to increased life-force energy... but it will have to wait because....drumroll... I'm planning to finish packing and head to Bethel Horizons Adamah Studios later today for clay camp!!!!  I'm not sure if I'll have much internet access there or time to write -- blogging has filled my urge for creativity while I've been too tired to do clay, so I might write some but if you don't hear from me for the rest of the week it's likely because I'm immersed in a different creative process!