anniversaries and new endeavors
Regular readers, please make sure to at least read the end of this post, for a question I need your input on. Thanks!
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This week marks 6 months since my double mastectomy, and one year since my breast cancer diagnosis! (It is also one year since the death of Tony Robinson, the young black man killed by a police officer here in Madison). As my life gets more and more busy again, I am trying to remember that my commitment in this phase of my life is to be in a process of discovery – to “discover and fully inhabit this new naked heart.” In some cases, that means dipping my toes into some completely new things; in other cases, it means evaluating past activities in order to decide whether or not to continue them, and testing the waters about new directions for them; and in still other cases, it means exploring the possibility of taking a much deeper dive into existing waters.
In the wholly new endeavor category, in January I decided I was ready for a new physical challenge, and that I wanted it to be something that would help me build strength but be more fun and/or spiritual than masters swimming or personal fitness training. I’d thought for a while that I might try Aikido, and the Madison dojo had an intro-month in February, so I signed up. At about the same time, I heard about a weekly “introduction to trapeze for mature women” class that is ongoing at the Madison Circus Space. This idea thrilled me, so I signed up to try that, too. Given the schedules, this meant that on at least one Tuesday in February, I did trapeze, then immediately went to Aikido, then later that night swam with the Special Olympics swim team that I help coach. Quite a lot of calories burned that day!!
One of my current criteria for deciding among activities, options, and commitments these days is whether or not it brings a big smile to my face. This “wow, I love this” factor doesn’t necessarily come naturally to me as the obvious criterion for deciding, when there are a lot of other reasons something can seem like a good idea (e.g. so-and-so would be happy if I did this, or, I’ve always been interested in this, or I have a commitment to this, or someone about whom I felt “wow, I love this” recommended this to me so I ought to feel that way about it (I think this is known as the transitive property, I love them, they love this, therefore I ought to love this)... and the like).
Well, I liked Aikido, but the great big smile came from trapeze, and from being in the Madison Circus Space watching other activities there and contemplating trying many of them! Here are two pictures of me the other day – as you can see, it’s a low-flying trapeze, so all you mom surrogates out there needn’t worry. While it is taking me awhile to build up the calluses and muscles to do this, my whole upper body feels very alive and open after a trapeze session!
In the re-evaluating old commitments and testing waters for new directions category, at my major project, CORE, we are undertaking a 6-month “exploratory journey,” where we are doing surveys and in-person interviews with past participants and others who might be interested, and planning community meetings to help us decide and design next steps. In addition to enjoying getting to express my inner geek (I used to work in survey research and in programming computer-assisted telephone interviewing, long before the days of Survey Monkey and Survey Gizmo), it also feels good to be asking for and receiving direct feedback and hearing stories about what people have loved about this project over the past 4 years; and to be exploring whether and how CORE can be more deeply transformational, and more accessible and relevant to a more diverse community.
In the “exploring a deeper dive” category are two major new possibilities: One, I am applying for the generative somatics teacher training track, potentially a 3-5-10 year commitment if I get in (I’ll know whether or not I did in mid-June, and if I do, I’ll know whether it is a 3 or 5 or 10 year commitment in 3, 5, or 10 years ☺).
Second, I have found a “developmental editor” to help me explore the idea of creating a book from this blog. Quite a few of you suggested I do this – enough so that I have taken the idea seriously. While I took it seriously, for a while I felt blocked as to whether and how to go about it. Finally, I realized that I had an old friend from graduate school, Kelly, who has become an editor. I contacted her for advice. As I suspected, she mostly works on academic writing, but she offered a wealth of information about how to look for the kind of editor I wanted. She suggested I go to the Editorial Freelancers’ Association website and enter “trade” as a keyword (since I am not that interested in self-publishing).
Well, I followed her advice and got 152 hits. Overwhelming. But then I noticed that I could add more search restrictions – skills – I looked up “developmental editing,” which sounded right, and was, so I clicked it; then I clicked on about 6 of their 70 “specialty” areas (attempting to recreate the search now, I think I must’ve used– “biography-memoir,” “health-medical,” “lifestyle,” “psychology-self-help,” “religion-spiritual,” and “women’s studies”), and clicked “Find.” This produced 3 hits. Much better! I briefly read all 3 of the profiles, and one of them felt like a clear “yes!!”, including the fact that she lives in Oakland CA, very near where I go frequently to visit family and to study somatics. Jess Beebe of Waxwing Book Studio. I went to her website and filled out a contact form, telling her a little about my project and giving her this URL.
Jess replied pretty promptly, and shared the information that someone very close to her has been through breast cancer twice, a number of years ago! It seemed like such a perfect fit that I sat and did nothing for about 3 weeks (well, I was busy & traveling, but also avoiding the enormity of this possible new endeavor). Finally I coached myself – it’s just a first conversation, not a commitment – and contacted her to schedule a conversation. We talked and I was completely convinced she’s the perfect person for the job. AND, she described some first steps that are also not a commitment to actually doing a book. I am going to engage her for an initial phase where she will give me advice about how I might organize the book, refine the style & voice to be consistent, and content feedback such as gaps that need filling or things that don’t quite align. We will begin this phase with a session where we hash out the “theme or message” of the book and the intended audience, from which all the other decisions will flow. THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOUR HELP:
What do you think the central theme or message of the book should be? Or, as Jess suggested, Which posts were your favorite and why? What stands out to you about my story? And, I will add, What kinds of people do you think would most enjoy/benefit from reading what I’ve written?
Thanks for your input!!!!!
Comments (9)
Yippee! I LOVE the photos -- so full of life! I LOVE the criteria of noticing what brings a smile to your face. I resonate with the other criterion you have sometimes used. Yes to falling into what others might like instead of ourselves, or into various forms of "should." I love going for the joy. I could imagine telling myself it is best to do something "spiritual" (as if that is a separate category from any other part of life!) Recently I indulged (isn't that interesting that I use this word) in reading a novel that had no educational or spiritual value but was just FUN. Such delight. (If you're interested, it was the Lemoncholy Life of Annie Aster. There is a bit of a theme of compassion for misfits, but mostly this book was entertaining for me.) And YIPPEE! for your willingness to not just consider but to act on the idea of turning the blog into a book. I can imagine it could seem daunting, and I like how you are coaching yourself to take small do-able steps. Indeed, this is the way in which your blog -- and your life, I might add -- has been such a service. You model what you teach. I believe Gandhi said, "My life is my message." This seems true for you as well. I have found it inspiring to witness your openness, honesty, vulnerability, and orientation to LIVE. I also deeply appreciate that you repeatedly make the links between your own individual life and the social justice issues you care so much about, recognizing interdependence, privilege, etc. I would want to think more about your questions than I have time for in this moment. What initially springs to mind is that some of your mantras might be themes, e.g., about fully inhabiting your naked heart. There were loads of favorite posts, and I can't choose any without going back and looking at them. Which I might be willing to do if that would truly be helpful to you -- would you let me know? Overall, I would say the ones I especially liked were the ones where you (a) made links between your own journey and social justice; (b) looked deeply at the spiritual aspects of this journey and how you were invited to live even more deeply some of the teachings you've learned about over the years (like impermanence); (c) some of the ones where you allowed yourself to take the risk of sharing your creativity not just with sculpture but also with poetry. (I can remember the metaphors of the lives, and the images from nature when you were on retreat, and the new words you came up with.) I think the book would appeal to sacred activists and subgroups of people who value spiritual reflection, as well as the obvious groups of people who have faced a health challenge, or whose loved ones have done so. Which really is everyone, isn't it? Who is immune to sickness and death ultimately?! I definitely would not limit it to people who have experienced cancer; that would be far too narrow. Is this helpful? I am so happy to know that you have found someone who felt like a "yes!" to support you. One thing I appreciate about this and so many of your blogs is that you integrate the emotional, spiritual, and practical. Here's this scary thing, which may be of value and service, and here is how I went about it. Oh, and you also integrate the political/social aspect of living a collaborative model as well, inviting others to give you feedback. The "we" model that humanity needs to remember. Such a gift, such service. I celebrate all this and am blessed to be a witness to your willingness. Grateful to Spirit for showing up through you in these ways, and your willingness to cooperate with the longings of your heart, of life.
It's really 6 months???? Unbelievable! 1. Theme/central message (s) of blog: a. In making a life-changing decision, if possible, take the time to explore all kinds of oprions, mainstream and not; b. Allow others to come into your life to help, with food, walks, massage, etc. Being okay with receiving; c. Use many different modalities to explore the process you are going through--art, writing, physical activity, talking, investigation of foods. 2. I'm not going to go back and review past posts to pick specific ones. The general approach you've used, though, stands out for me. Part of it is a word you used in the blog you sent just now --your "nakedness." You have not only stripped yourself down to find deep understandings and life truths, but you have also shared them. For instance, I remember you sharing how you and Don talked about what it would mean for each of you (and jointly ) when you no longer had your breasts. Or, smother time you discussed how you sometimes wanted non-family around, and sometimes not, and you seemed okay with setting those boundaries. Another post I'll remember was the day you invited women to your house to wear a borka (?) around Madison for a day, coming back for an evening meal together to discuss your experiences. You took what my be something to hide, i.e., your hair loss, and transformed it into something not focused on you at all! And the piece of pottery you made with the various options you could choose for your operation. 3. Kinds of people who would enjoy/benefit: a. People goimg through a significant life transition. b. People with a breast cancer diagnosis. c. People considering genetic testing. d. People wanting to widen their perspective to venture into venues not even considered previously. d. I could see it as a textbook for 1st year college students, so they don't narrow down their options prematurely. e. A must - read for people in training in the medical professionals, and for CEU courses if they've already graduated. f. For people who need help becoming advocates for their own health care, and for those around them. g. For artists seeking to increase the integration of their craft with the rest of their lives, physically, emotionally, spiritually. h. Students in seminaries. I hope that's enough brain storming to help you widen your thinking even more broadly. :-) Margaret
Central theme: Cancer Consciously. Favorite post: Sky is blue; what if the world isn't broken ? Stands out: your ability to simultaneously reach far into possibilities, be they dreamy or fear-filled, take many different perspectives, and remain fully grounded in physical experience. People who would benefit from your writing: feels like a red herring; stay true to your experience and those who need to read your writing will find you. Love that you're taking the book seriously :-)
Hi Becca, Congratulations on the decision to go for generative somatics trainer status!! I would say the main theme is your decsion making and how you did your discerning... the most potent one being the decision to go through with the double mastectomy with the life affirming perspective you choose to hold about it. You painted a picture of a "higher", more conscious way to go through the process... so different from merely surviving a huge piece of bad luck. Reminds me of Stephen Levine's phrase "living into life and death". Your audience? Buddhists, meditators, spiritual folks of all kinds, anyone facing death or illness who wants to let the experience change and polish them for the better, me! Love, Bev
Becca I would suggest 2 things... one is maybe a theme around turning toward with open heart.... your attitude was so genuine and compelling... and from my very limited experience with cancer in my family... it contrasts well with the "fight" "battle" "courage" frame that seems prevalent in our culture. the second is to go with those things that were most revealing... which maybe means the filter is the ones that were hardest for you to share.. since you already shared them... you got past that part and looking through that lens might give you some other themes.
Hi... what stands out for me is your ability to research, reflect, and share with such a positive attitude the plethora of experiences and choices related to this physical/medical, psychological, and spiritual journey... you go! Love the trapeze find.
Hi, Becca, I've spent some time pondering the question you have offered to us to distill what stands out for me in your writings and reflections. And, the first thing I want to say is how excited I am to hear that you are making your decisions based on what makes your heart smile. It sure shows on your face, too! All along in your journey I have been touched by your process and your openness in sharing it. I have felt blessed by being able to follow you inward in being in touch with your body, your feelings, and your thinking process as you reflected. At the other end of this process was your recent post about somatics and seeing something similar in how possibly organizations work. I thought that was a brilliant observation! I also think that without having followed you on your journey within with your cancer that your coming to this awareness about organizations would be less easy to come to....that to go with that thought means laying the groundwork with your inward process and it's subleties and awarenesses as they progressed. Unless this makes perfect sense to you without needing further explanation, I would love to talk about it if you are interested. Meanwhile, having to do with nothing related.....I'd love to talk with you anyway :) As always, Celeste
Writing a book is a brave undertaking. I think you want it to be relevant to your readership; so I would suggest that you first read some in this area. Maybe you have already, but your story which, of course, is unique to you should also have elements and a perspective that makes it singular to your case. You already have some in your post-mastectomy approach to life and the very, very positive and "up" things you are doing (and trying) both physically and spiritually. That is a story in and of itself and certainly quite compelling. Cheers - Phil
So very happy to see YOU happy! And healthy! and being so engaged. I'm not able to go back, reread and analyze your blog, but I do feel that the most important qualities are your openness, your optimism, and your ability to share with us your feelings--good and bad, insights and information. All the best in your new endeavors. Love, Sharon