Remembering Mom with gratitude for the habit of good habits

Today is, by the Jewish calendar, the 10th anniversary of my mother's death. Her brother, my Uncle Joe, invited me & my brother & sister to share memories of her via email. Here is a slightly expanded version of what I wrote:

I remember how when we were young children, Mom created a tracking sheet for us to get reinforcement for remembering to do our “routines” — brushing our teeth, etc. before bed. Later, as a young adult when I was in a period of great introspection and personal change, I used a similar graph paper sheet to track things I wanted to remember to practice - exercise, dream journal, etc.

After Don and I married and Sam and Sarah were both still living with us, their incessant fighting with each other drove me crazy. I complained to Mom, and she advised me to try simple behavior modification techniques. I think it wasn’t until after she died (suddenly, hit by a driver who'd had "just a couple of drinks") that I took her advice seriously. I instituted a “family goals checklist,” using a sort of consensus-like process to get each of the four of us to identify goals we had for ourselves and each other, and we each got points for every day we did them. It really helped!

When I wanted to adopt the super-low-fat diet my doctor recommended, I used an app that allowed me to track my daily goals. (After several months of daily tracking, I am now finding I don't need the app to maintain the diet). And these days I am using an Insight Meditation timer app to track my meditation.

I often suggest techniques like this to other people, and sometimes geek out on the power of measurement and careful attention to change behavior. I’d previously attributed that interest more to my Dad’s scientific background, and perhaps he had a big influence on those initial behavior modification processes to establish our “routines,” but I’m guessing it was Mom who did most of the actual tracking, and she was the one who got me to use it with Sam & Sarah.

I used to laugh at my Mom's many little calisthenic exercises, her constant worry about calories, and all the pills and supplements she took, but I find myself doing very similar things now. Today as I do my morning Pilates, sitting meditation, take my vitamins, and brush my teeth, I reflect on the power of habit and the power of being able to change our habits, and am grateful for the many lessons Mom taught me in this regard.