Boobies and Books is what's on my mind

As I am finishing up a second week of business travel sitting at the Houston airport with a delayed flight, it seems like a perfect time to tap on the keyboard.  It's been a crazy few weeks of travel, and I have not physically been in the office since March 10th . . . Mexico vacation, San Francisco business trip, and then this week Dallas and Houston business trip. . . phewwww.  The goal is to spend all of next week in the office.  Looking forward to this as I have not been in the office since they announced my departure from the Canada office.  Miss my peeps :)

Oh, I almost forgot to mention the craziest thing (okay maybe not the craziest) happened to me in the TSA line today.  I got all my items on the conveyor belt in a swift orderly fashion like a good traveler, and then I went through the scanning machine.  You know the one you step in and place your feet on the yellow foot prints and then raise your arms?  I walk out and wait for all clear.  The woman starts looking at my chest then she asks me if there is anything on my chest and she lets me know she has to pat me down.  She said the machine was unable to locate my breasts or bra.  Well, the machine is pretty damn smart, because there is no need for a bra when you don't have breasts.  So yup a nice little pat down.  My question is if the machine could not locate my breast, what the hell is she looking for?  I guess I will just have to prepare for this to happen more often when traveling.  Definitely have to find a way to make this more fun when going through the process.  I am open to suggestions!  I really do enjoy a little crazy in my life.  I am not wired for simple or boring, and most importantly, what the heck would I have to write about!

Speaking of breasts, recently my breasts have been top of mind for me.  Every time I look in the mirror after a shower, I am reminded of my journey, which I absolutely appreciate, but I also look at a complete mess of skin and scars.  I cringe and immediately feel insecure.  I also remind myself I have a decision I need to make . . . to boobie or not to boobie.  Initially when the docs told me I needed to have a mastectomy I was clear on this decision.  Definitely to boobie; however, after five surgeries and my body rejecting the tissue expanders, I am leaning more towards not to boobie.  I have a difficult time wrapping my head around placing tissue expanders back in my chest and starting the process of reconstruction all over again.  What if I get an infection again?  What if there are other complications?  And honestly, am I mentally stable enough to make frequent visits to the cancer hospital again?  There are also some positives that I should also focus on about not having breasts (outside of the free TSA feel up).  First, I will never have to spend a penny on an over the shoulder boulder holder.  When I run on the treadmill or outside there is no chance I can get a black eye from them. Also, when it is cold outside I will never have to worry about poking anyone's eye out.  And lastly, when I am in my 80's and I am at the hospital in my gown with the front open I will not have to worry about the vision of my breasts hanging to my knees burnt into some sweet young persons memory when they accidentally get a glimpse of my open gown.  Well, that does it.  The answer is simple.  As I mentioned in a prior post, "Boobies do not define Bobbie!"  I better call my plastic surgeon and schedule my clean up surgery before I move to the US (gotta take advantage of the amazing universal healthcare I have available.  Then the exciting part begins . . . the search for the perfect tattoos.  Again, here is where I am open to suggestions.  If you see any good designs, please share.

Onto another subject that has been continuously circling my brain.  Through several interactions with people be it on social media, texting, locally or while I am traveling, I continue to receive feedback that people all over have followed my journey on my blog and continue to read my blog.  Every time someone mentions my blog or how much they have enjoyed reading it, I get this overwhelming feeling of pride and being grateful I shared my journey so publicly.  I also have had people say that I should continue to write or even write a book.  I do have to admit, before having cancer I thought about writing a book based on my past life events, especially my childhood.  Part of me feels a bit arrogant or self righteous (I don't know if these are the appropriate words) thinking my life is worth putting into a book or that my writing is even close to good enough to be in a book.  This is what has held me back up to this point.  However, I truly don't want to live with no regrets.  A recent quote resinated with me "Life is not about money or even success.  It's about doing some epic shit before lying in the casket."  Well, writing a book would be pretty fucking epic.  Another idea that is pushing me to try is like I tell many of my employees.  If you don't try you will never know, and if you try and it doesn't work, you will be in the same spot that you are in prior to trying.  You never have to wonder.  Now that I have publicly put this out on the world wide web it will force me to take some action and attempt to see if this is even possible.  So my friends, any guidance, insight or recommendations on how to proceed would be so so greatly appreciated.  Also, if you want to tell me I have lost my damn mind as well, I am open to that.  Constructive criticism is always welcomed in the Goldie household.

I included a few recent pics of me and the family with this post as I love sharing how lucky I am to have these three most amazing gifts in my life.  They truly make me grateful for every decision I have made in my life, and every obstacle I have faced.  I am 100% confident that I would not have them without this journey or be so appreciative every day and every moment for them.  Thanks for reading :)