Lessons in TRUST.....

For the past two weeks, I have suppressed the fact that our ordinary ortho consult with a very conservative orthodontist ended with a referral to a specialist of facial bones. Braces are the least of your worries, he said. He did a routine X-ray to find out why her incisor had not erupted (a rare finding), and saw a mass in her jaw that needed further surgical work up. Due to her history, every one scrambled to get her the soonest appointment with this specialist, and the proper paperwork for the insurance to pay for this special 3D cat scan.
That special consult and ct are scheduled for TODAY.....ruling out Ewing's sarcoma.

It was buried in the back of my head, while I took care of my sick son......for two weeks. Until Friday, when I introduced my children to a group at a cancer retreat. A sudden rush of raw emotions and tears spilled out, as I introduced my daughter, saying what her diagnosis was and how long she had been cancer free........boy, I never expected that. It totally caught me by surprise.

It is horrific to think that we would still be ruling out this monster. I was really taken aback at my overwhelming reaction, and asked God if I had lost my way in trusting HIM with her life. I have to just let go.....and TRUST. On the other hand, it is such a difficult task...
The retreat came at the perfect time!! The children were loved on, and they had an AMAZING time being kids!!! God brought us the perfect family hosts....we were truly blessed!!! We made new friends....friends who really get it! They know how it feels, even though we have a different diagnosis, we all deal with the same things. We grieve the child that was, ache for the child (all the changes) throughout their treatment, and cry out for the child that is done (the product of the treatment). We get to see this all unfold from a front row seat.
The aftermath.....with all of its complications.
The realities of having a child with childhood cancer are a hard pill to swallow. For an outsider, it may even be harder to comprehend. There is always that possibility of recurrence, complications, secondary effects....etc.

After confronting the suppressed feelings head on, I really feel free to breathe......ready to tackle tomorrow and whatever that may bring. Focusing on an ALL-POWERFUL, ALL- KNOWING GOD. WHO KNOWS how I feel.....the One who created Natalia Sofia. For HIM NOTHING is impossible.....HE IS the GOD of miracles.....the GOD of the supernatural.
IN HIM WILL I TRUST.
I chose to hand my precious Natalia Sofia back to God, and asked for HIS Will to be done. Ultimately, it's all about TRUST. MY TRUST IN HIM. Whatever the outcome of these tests are, may our Lord's will be done. BOTTOM LINE: HE is in control.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.

Psalm 22:5, 8
To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame.
He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!

Psalm 37:5
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.

Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Psalm 118:8
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.