LASER-BEAM EYES

HE OPENED HIS EYES TODAY! They’re as beautiful as I remember (5 days ago seems like an ETERNITY!) More on this at the end…

As I type this, my loving congregation at Grapevine church of Christ (www.GrapevineChurch.com) is holding a prayer vigil for Brock and my family. Knowing that there is a an entire group of people who have taken time to meet together and pray as a community makes me so proud to consider myself a part of that family. And knowing that people are constantly praying around the clock gives me strength and hope. As a side note, the link above now has a link to donate online, which also has links to Facebook this site. Sub-side-note: I'm taking down the CaringBridge site soon because of the donation confusion.

First of all, Brock’s night nurse is a beast! (in a very good sense). She won’t be back on rotation until another four days, but she definitely deserves a shout-out. I wish we could clone her for every rotation. (Nothing against the other nurses, she has just seemed exceptionally on top of everything, nonstop). I hope she gets good rest this weekend.

Here’s today’s update on Brock’s… “progress?” “Regress?”: Overnight he had 2-3 clinical seizures. They took the EEG off this morning (machine that monitors non-clinical seizures in brain activity). The glue from the leads is pretty rough on his skin, and they didn’t want him to develop sores from them. Besides, they decided that they’re only going to focus on the clinical (visible) seizures that he is having, and work on getting those under control. They’ll tape the EEG back on Saturday for an hour and monitor it closely. He has been having clinical seizures every 20 minutes or so. They seem to come in clusters: 2 or 3 within 5-10 minutes, none for 15-20 minutes, then another cluster. The neurologists have decided to put him on a third seizure medication called TOPAMAX (topiramate). I think it’s actually an oral medication? They’ll be starting that regimen at 9:00pm (12/12/13). The neurologists are getting more and more concerned at the consistency of the seizures; seizures being a sign of damage. They were pretty certain that after they put him on the initial dose, that they’ll be increasing it before too long. They also put in an order for another MRI (tissue) and MRV (blood vessels) for tomorrow. They said the BEST case scenario would be simply that they clots in his brain are not worse or more numerous, and that damage to brain tissue has not increased. I’ll update everyone with those results tomorrow if we happen to get results before the neurologists leave on Saturday.

They also insisted on another spinal tap to see what the CSF (cerebral spinal fluid) looks like and take numbers on csf glucose and white blood cell count, and obviously see where the bacteria levels are. Depending on what the cultures look like from the fluid could potentially alter treatment; I didn’t ask how, exactly. Unfortunately, the Fellow Physician who attempted today had the same difficulty the two doctors yesterday did, and could not draw any fluid. They were both very confident that they were hitting the correct spot, and guessed that because of the clots in his brain and so much inflammation of tissue in other areas, the CSF can’t get down through those constricted spaces to where the lumbar puncture is done. Of course, you can’t really go up the vertebrae (higher) to a different spot in attempt to just get past the inflamed areas, because you risk nerve damage to the brain stem which travels down through the vertebrae for a ways. They’re going to try again in several DAYS (ugh) to give his body time to potentially become less swollen and let them inflammation from the muscles around those vertebrae wear off.

The difficult news to hear from the neurologists was that if they can’t ultimately get to the CSF fluid to determine what the bacteria levels are doing, then Brock is looking at an ADDITIONAL 2 weeks in the hospital on antibiotics, because they’d rather be safe than sorry. That would put the total hospital time around 5 weeks or more. We could really go without that.

NOW, for the sort of COOL thing: WE’VE SEEN HIM OPEN HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES! Because of the fluid buildup around his body that makes him so puffy, he hasn’t been able to open his eyes. With the puffiness going down slightly, his eyes have opened a few times today! It’s a beautiful sight, and it makes me melt inside. He is not tracking anything with his eyes (following faces or light), he just kind of stares straight out or into some corner, before he yawns and decides to close them again. I like to pretend he is trying to find my face and look at his daddy. Perhaps it’s better he not look and see my sadness, though. I don’t know. It almost makes it HARDER on me that his eyes are open, if you know what I mean. They say that windows are the windows into the soul. Why? I have no idea. But I think that in today’s culture (uh-oh, youth minister coming out) personal face-to-face contact is getting more and more difficult as our brains are being conditioned exceedingly every day to pay more attention to the lights of a computer or tablet screen than the lights of another human’s eyes. We noticed this in an exercise between all the ministers and elders when we “coupled up” and looked each other straight in the eyes for the duration of a prayer. We all found it to be an incredibly difficult practice. Anyway, there’s something… I don’t know… HUMAN… ALIVE… about eyes. Something that shows vulnerability. I imagine this is why it’s common practice to CLOSE someone’s eyes before a funeral or viewing: because you can almost be TRICKED into believing there’s still some consciousness existing there when obviously there’s not. So when Brock has his eyes open, it’s as if he is showing his vulnerability… calling out (if he could) for more help, to be rescued from what is plaguing him. So on one hand it is so wonderful to see his eyes again, ad on the other hand, it is heart-wrenching. His eyes are powerful, they pierce me to the core. They give me great hope, and also bring up such pain- more than Superman's Laser-Beams! The little guy has gotten in a couple yawns today- super adorable. He is moving a lot more as his body gets more and more rid of the paralysis agents from the previous MRI and the other sedation medications that keep him fairly still. Of course, he has another MRI tomorrow that they’ll use paralysis for again so he’ll be groggy again for a while afterward.

We continue to be reminded of God’s goodness through His children. Through the prayers of a friend, the bestowment of physical blessings of food or gift cards, the hugs of new and old friends, and the hard work of many on our behalf, we see the Father’s own eyes clearly, and see that they are gazing intently upon us with concern, love, and care- “as a hen longs to gather her chicks under her wings.” We love you.

Grace and Peace for you

Brad and Taryn Morrow