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Posted 2018-10-30T04:04:35Z

5.25 miles

If I were running the Twin Cities Marathon, 

that's how far into radiation treatment I am. 

5.25 miles

West side of Bde Mka Ska (Calhoun)

The point in the race where adrenaline has subsided

just enough so you can finally pee. 

In the pine trees.

Where everyone can see. 

 

When I ran my first marathon, it was about this point

when my brother caught up to me on his bike and said

"HEY -- you're running 7 minute miles"

"I KNOW! I FEEL FABULOUS"

"You never trained at 7 minute miles. You can't keep this pace."

"HAHA I FEEL FABULOUS!"

{jump to river road, where I have dropped to a 14 minute mile}

 

So yes, I feel just fine right now. Tired, but fine.

But I have close to 21 miles to go. 

This is where optimism and naiveté arm wrestle.

So I will run the mile I am in.

Mile 5, doing ok. 

 

10 minute zap each day. 

And in between, protein, calories, calcium. 

And slather on calendula cream every time the

BOOB LUBE alarm goes off on my phone. 

 

But again. This is so I don't get the call again. 

I have no doubt the next two stages are gonna suck.

But every day, I sit with people

that did not have Dr appts that resulted in high 5's. 

Every day, I sit with people who beat the odds once, 

then the odds tapped them on the shoulder again. 

Some days I fee lucky. 

Other days, I wonder, why did they get dealt the shit hand, 

when I got a 20?

I sit next to them, watching them fall asleep in the waiting room, 

and I feel guilty as hell. 

 

But that does no good. Guilt. Shame. Regret. 

The empty calories of emotions. 

 

So if right now, if I am the one running easy, 

and I come up one someone walking. 

Someone limping. Someone pissed. Frustrated. Confused. 

Maybe I'll walk a bit, too. 

 

This is not my journey. Oh hell no. 

This is a cumulative journey of everyone who's gotten the call. 

We are a pack. We run together. Need an arm? Take an arm. 

Need a story to distract you? God knows I've got plenty of those.

Hey, how about we run til the next person with an cow bell? 

 

It's easy to get there 2 minutes before your zap, duck in, change, 

get zapped, change and hit a jog on the way out. 

But that doesn't get the pack any stronger. 

 

So tomorrow, I will change things up. 

I have no idea how this will go or what this means. 

But change is good, right?

 

Thank you all for being my pack. 

 

Love, Ginnie

 

PS: Fuck cancer

 

 

 

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Comments (1)

  • jean
    jean

    Love this analogy, Gin. Keep running! We're all here in the pace car, ready to hand you a cold beer when you're ready!

    2 years ago · Reply