I couldn't sleep last night knowing that we were going to say our goodbye's to Anne today for the last time. I was up all night tossing and turning, thinking, crying. I decided to write her a letter, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, I would be able to get to sleep when I was finished. I wanted to share it with you, since all of you have been a great support to our family in this difficult time.
I can't sleep. You know what I'm talking about, that kind of night where all you want to do is sleep, but you feel like you can't because you're nervous, or there's something you forgot to do, but you can't remember what it is. It's one of those nights. You've had quite a few of those these past two months..not even two months. I'm scared, Anne. I'm scared of how Doug, Sam and Sally are going to get through this. I'm still not sure what to say to them. I can't replace you in their lives, no one can. I never thought we would loose you this fast. I thought for sure you would see Jimmy go to preschool with us, see Sally get married, and see your next grandbabies. I thought it was funny the day you asked me if I was going to the OB to see if I was pregnant. I have a feeling you were hoping I was going to say "yes". I remember the day Sam told you guys I was pregnant. Your face got so bright, the brightest I had ever seen it! Tonight, I was looking for table cloth for the luncheon tomorrow, and I found the lipstick napkins that you showed me the very first time we met. I held them, the entire time thinking of how embarrassed Sam was, and how excited and nervous I was to finally meet you and Doug. This past week has been extremely hard on all of us. Rod, Nina, Victor, Justin and Tom Jones all came in to say their goodbyes to you. It's nice to have family around. Something to get our mind off of how we are feeling. I miss you so much. It's weird here now. Last Saturday, I went out and got storage bins to put all of the medical stuff in. I wanted to be organized for when you came home on Sunday, but that never happened. When we were walking out of the hospital, I couldn't help but cry and think about how different things were going to be now with you gone. What was I going to tell Jimmy? How would he understand that Gram was never coming back? We had just reached a new "normal" and now our world was flipped upsidedown again. Jimmy still runs into your room looking for you every day. All I can say to him is "Gram isn't with us anymore bubba, she's in heaven now." I'm crying as I write this. You went to soon. I need you back. I can't imagine how to get Doug, Sam and Sally through this without you. There are so many things that we said we were going to do and never did. Please watch over us tomorrow, as friends and family gather to remember you and say goodbye. It's not the same without you here. It never will be again. We love you Anne. I love you. I never said that before, until it was too late. I know you heard me though, I know you heard all of us. Please help everyone get through this together.