Dancing with Cancer
Collecting more information today -- seeing the genetic counselor at 11:00, and two contractors who might be able to put our basement back together so we can return it to the level of beauty and order that I'd like, and be able to host guests there again. We'd pulled it apart to do mold remediation, partly for the sake of Don's health... and now, with multiple out-of-town family members offering to come help if needed, it seems more urgent. We actually have hired a professional project manager I know through my work to help with that -- so in reality, she'll be meeting with one of the contractors while we go see the genetic counselor...! And perhaps we'll get more test results from the biopsies today.
It is quite a dance -- for instance, to figure out which "tasks" become more urgent and/or important, and which less, in this new and ever-shifting reality. So, after laughing and crying and laughing a lot more upon reading my long-time friend Dawn's post about VERBS, I've labelled my folder of notes from meetings with doctors "Dancing with Cancer." While this may seem overly conciliatory or akin to dancing with the devil, I like the poetry of it, and the way it turns a scary word into a playful one. I actually think it fits a lot about the way I am trying to be towards the cancer. It's here, and I am practicing being with it, being fully with myself, my internal energies, and the energies around me, and still move and create and celebrate life. So, if you haven't yet read Dawn's post, I suggest you do, and put on your dancing shoes!
Comments (6)
Staying close to you as you enter this intense diagnostic phase. For some perhaps idiosyncratic reason, it has helped me to remember that whatever I am about to learn is not news in the sense it is not happening now. It has already happened. It is just news to me because I am just learning what already happened. I can't really say why this is a comfort to me, but it is. Much love to you always, Ellen
Becca, I've never shared this with anyone, but for decades, I've thought of one's experience with cancer as a dance as opposed to a "battle" or "fight". For me, cancer is not something apart from us but rather A PART OF US that has the potential to be mindfully integrated into our whole self and serve more as a teacher than an adversary to be conquered. I deeply admire the spirit with which you are undertaking "your dance". Sending much love and positive, healing energy----------------------Bo
I love your "dancing with cancer" approach. I'm with Bo - I've always felt there was something wrong with the "battle" metaphor. It seems we always lose more than we gain when we try to battle anything. In my experience, all the real power comes from compassionate awareness - simple (not easy) and powerful beyond measure. Keep dancing! (Actually that might become my new mantra!)
<3 <3 <3