gratitude: sleep, sisterhood, stories, food, and flowers

A common practice for living mindfully and joyfully is to keep a gratitude journal. I've done this for one period of time before, and recently my sister-in-law Sarah, whose mother just died of ovarian cancer at 58, shared with me some things her mother did that were helpful during her 3 years with cancer, and one of them was to keep a gratitude journal. I'll see what moves me to write about each day, but today at least gratitude seems like a good theme. 

I am grateful that I was able to enjoy a lovely potluck gathering last night that had originally been scheduled for our house, but that some friends hosted instead. I was not at all sure I'd be up for going, or staying the whole time, but I was and did. Then I slept well last night, somewhat to my surprise. As I was getting into bed and arranging the complex pillow setup I'd figured out after the last bilateral biopsy to enable me to lie not-quite-on-my-side-not-quite-on-my-back, I was thinking to myself, "I will never be able to sleep!"  I realized it, and stopped and said to myself, "Well, that's not a very optimistic story you are living in! and certainly likely to be a self-fulfilling prophecy." I took two benadryl and adjusted my mental frame to wondering if I might be able to sleep well despite everything -- and did! I woke up around 4:30 and was awake for a half hour or so -- and realized it was just in time for another dose of Tylenol, and took it and went back to sleep!

The day was full of rich visits from amazing and wonderful women who shared their stories with me -- of their own biopsies, worries about breast cancer, body image, surviving cancer, spiritual and life journeys... and brought me delicious food and beautiful flowers. Some of the visits were from people I didn't know very well or deeply yet, and it was lovely to get to know them; and one was from a colleague who I've never "hung out with" outside of work before; it was great to deepen that relationship and also great to think about work a little!! I also got in a lovely walk in the sunshine, by the lake and through the zoo.

It was fun to introduce some of the women to each other too and hang out as a threesome during the "changing of the guard." I am chuckling inwardly to myself, something to the effect that maybe this is how an extroverted community organizer does illness... at least for now, during this phase; I'm trying not to get too attached to any particular way of doing this, since I know it is going to keep changing. 

By the end of the afternoon I was pretty exhausted, and took a nap with Don after he got home. He had a great time at his meditation retreat and was grateful to me and all the visitors for making it possible for him to go.