just enough noise

Well, I've caught a bit of the cold that's going around (Don, Anita, and my fitness trainer Guillermo have all been sick with it this week) but so far its not too bad, and my stomach has been mostly better. It reminds me of the Eastern European Jewish folk tale, "Too Much Noise," where a man is unhappy because his bed squeaks and his teakettle hisses and it's too noisy, so he goes to the wise man who tells him to get a cow, and then a donkey, and then a chicken, and then a dog, etc... each time he goes back to the wise man in anger saying, this isn't helping! Finally the wise man tells him to get rid of all of the animals, and he is blissfully happy. (Here's a lovely, over-the-top kid-produced version of the story). Having a cold, compared to the challenges of chemo, just doesn't seem that bad!!

Yesterday I was able to do a pretty standard workout, though I also rested a fair amount during the day. Today I had a lovely visit with a neighbor, and went for a walk with a close friend (adding wrist-weights, for my exercise). I've also been doing a fair amount of emotional processing today. Don found a guided "tonglen" meditation by Tara Brach that I listened to this morning, and I also had a coaching session with Suzanne. There's lots to write about here... about noticing my feelings of loss, and fear of not getting to have and do things I want. About  being open to the energy of an aggressive and harsh intervention in service of a transcendent goal. About letting go of things -- health, comfort, control, cells that line my stomach... About expanding my capacity to be with both the pain and the incredible love and connection and caring. About my desire to heal the world as well as myself, and my realization that I don't actually have to be healthy to be contributing to healing the world. Perhaps I will expand on these in future entries. For now, I'm headed for a nap, so I can have energy for seder tonight. 

Happy Passover / Easter to all.