managing spoons
A few years ago, my step-son Sam who has a disability found this article about "spoon theory," written by a young woman with Lupus to help her friends understand what life with a chronic illness or disability can be like. It's about going through the day with a limited amount of energy, or "spoons," and needing to make mindful and sometimes difficult choices about how to use that energy. It applies of course to aging as well, and since reading it we often use shorthand, asking Sam or each other "do you have enough spoons for ____?"
I thought about my spoons a lot over the weekend, as I tapered off the steroid they give me for the first few days after chemo. How many visits from friends and community members should I say yes to? when will I have time for a nap? when should I exercise, and how vigorously? In the end, I had a very full and fulfilling few days that included:
Friday:
- a 40 min swim, a nap, visiting with a new acquaintance who's a breast cancer survivor, sharing our stories and getting lots of helpful insights, visiting with Sam & Sarah's half-sister Emily, AND attending a concert at Overture that we'd had tickets for since October (The Martha Redbone Roots Project - awesome!)
Saturday:
-walking to First Unitarian to attend the Bat Mitzvah of some good friends, and walking home; napping, talking with family by phone & Skype, visiting briefly with Savitri and her kids who came to bring us food (they helped me unload my kiln!), watching TV, and spending some romantic time with Don
Sunday:
-working on the CORE website and upcoming newsletter for a couple of hours, going for a slow hour-long walk with Anita (with wrist-weights), taking a nap, attending part of our Kalyana Mitta (Buddhist discussion) group, reading Our Kids in my new hammock, helping my 16-year-old friend work on a research paper, and visiting with and doing a little T'ai Chi with another sangha friend Steven.
I did not feel really well during most of this -- varying degrees of fatigue, fogginess, discomfort, occasional queasiness, runny nose and eyes, slightly sore scalp, etc. etc... but I am getting more used to proceeding without feeling fully well.
And all of this activity, I want to emphasize, has been fueled by some VERY, VERY delicious meals that people have been bringing us. The taste, the nutrition, and the love they are cooked with bring us more "spoons" at the end of each day! (And the fridge has plenty of leftovers to start the week with!)
Comments (11)
Becca, I just wanted to let you know that the spoon theory article is one of the best gifts I've been given in recent time. Thank you, thank you. And please know that I haven't had 'enough spoons' in recent days to offer to help out, I do read all of your posts and am sending what I call Deep and Wide Metta in response. Your writings are such a gift to all of us. with care, Kate
I have been thinking of you and Don and am happy to read about how and what you are doing. All your activities are so much in sync with good care taking of body and spirit. Admirable. May this week be a good one. With love, Bilha
Thank you for sharing the spoon story, Becca. It describes well what so many of us with illness go through - like me too. And it's clear how you are bringing gentleness (among other gifts) for yourself to your experience of having fewer spoons...well done. Love you!
Not much to comment today, but wish the site had a "likes" feature, just to let you know that we are all with you on your journey.
thank you for spoon theory, and for sharing, and for just being you. I wonder if the spoon theory applies to everyone? It's just that people who are experiencing chronic illness or disability have fewer spoons than they might otherwise have? glad to think of you eating nourishing food and continuing to move your body and enjoy friends. you are a blessing to the world. take May each of your spoons continue to be the means for nourishment!
Hi Becca, It was nice to see you across the congregation at Zoey's bat mitzvah. I would have loved to give you a hug, but we needed to scoot out right afterwards... It sounds like you're doing really well, considering. It's inspirational to me how intentional you're being... You GO girl! :-)
Thanks for sharing your insight -- I love the spoon theory. Slowing down is always so hard - but you sound so busy :) I hope our paths will cross soon. You are on my mind frequently. Sending good thoughts your way - always.
I love your insight into "proceeding while not feeling fully well," but also respecting your need for rest. Thinking of you often. Diane
XO
Hi Becca, It was wonderful to see you at Zoey's bat mitzvah. I have used the spoon theory article to explain the concept for many years- it's a great one. I think you you often. Thank you for your posts.
Becca, your courage and your insights are wonderful. Like others, I love your spoon theory and your thoughts about proceeding with life even without feeling so well. Your writing is a gift and helps me along the path. Thanks for your deep sharing.