polepole

On April 13th Jen wrote in her post to me: "I just learned a new word from a book I was reading: polepole (Swahili, pronounced polay polay) which means "slowly, slowly." Guides say this to people climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro as a way to help them sustain energy and reach the summit in a more fluid and graceful way than people who push too hard and fast and are wiped out at the pinnacle of success. It seemed like a fitting expression to share with you for the journey you are on. Polepole, Becca!"

I have been contemplating this a lot on & off since then, and sharing it with others. Another close colleague, Bev, who has done a lot of international consulting laughed and said, yes, in Africa they also use the Swahili phrase "polepole" when they are waiting in line, or waiting for the electricity to get fixed, which might or might not ever happen there...!

I thought "polepole" to myself as I biked downtown on the 16th -- noticing how I was not able to go as fast as usual, and noticing how much of my life I have spent rushing to the next thing. Just as I thought "slowly, slowly" to myself, I had a near-miss with a car, and realized, I should probably be going even more slowly!  

I am taking this illness as an opportunity to practice a different way of being -- which is something like opening to and receiving the present moment, leaning back into it, rather than always leaning forward towards whats next. 

In the last 48 hours, this has meant... accepting gratefully a new IV in my other arm when it became apparent that the one they'd used at the lab to draw blood would not work for the adriamycin infusion (it's very good they are cautious about this because this is one that's quite dangerous if it leaks at all outside the veins!)... receiving a reiki treatment at home after the chemo, and being able to notice the onset of the stomach distress, and notice and reduce my reactions to it... remembering to try the acupressure anti nausea wrist bands... taking them off when they felt too tight... then noticing a return of some queasiness, and putting them back on, and figuring, hey, maybe these are actually helping (last chemo I just left them on)... enjoying my visit with Naomi that evening...feeling pretty good on Wednesday, and receiving a talk-therapy session and an acupuncture session, and taking a nap and doing a fitness workout, and, though I'd been looking forward to being with Pat,  who had signed up to be with me in the evening, when she thought better of it due to illness, I immediately texted another friend, Nasra, who had just learned about my cancer and was anxious to see me as soon as possible, and she came over and we had a lovely dinner and conversation together.... then, after eating quite a hearty meal, I had waves of acid reflux on & off all night and this morning... I skipped the CORE meeting I was hoping to go to, and eventually called the oncology nurse line again and they suggested maybe it wasn't just acid, but underlying nausea, and told me to try taking the Compazine they'd prescribed last time but I'd never taken. It did seem to help and I napped a bunch today, but felt too groggy to get up and go across town for the shiatsu appointment I'd made. 

Not sure if I'm climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro or waiting for the electricity to get fixed, but either way the "polepole" mantra is a good one.