First night home report
Well I got a good night's sleep, only up a couple of times to use the bathroom and take a pill. I had high hopes of being up for writing a deep and/orscintillating post this morning, and then I took two oxycodone and I feel quite woozy. E.g. I asked Don to bring me my laptop, and it took me a minute or two after opening it to remember why I wanted it and how to log in to this website. There is a bit of an argument going on inside me between the "I'm a mindfulness practitioner and know how to be mindful through pain" side and the "current theories of pain management suggest keeping the pain well under control actually assists with healing" side. Taking the two oxycodone was definitely yielding to the stay-on-top-of-the-pain side. Then there is staying on top of the side-effects -- primarily constipation. I've got some yummy prune-based options and some pills for it too.
So far managing the meds and the drains and doing the PT exercises have been easy, with Margot and Don's help. And I have brand new pajamas and body pillows to enjoy (shopping therapy done in anticipation of this stage of things has worked our pretty well).
Seeing my flat chest is somewhat disconcerting at times but we did a session of desensitization therapy plus laugh therapy last night by watching comedian Tig Notaro's HBO special "Boyish Girl Interrupted"; she had a double mastectomy without reconstruction and halfway through her skit she takes her shirt off and does the rest of the skit topless! (Thanks much for the suggestion, Randy!)
Well my eyelids are drooping so I will keep it short. More soon. Thanks for all your posts and well wishes, cards and emails and meals and positive energy...! I may be up for visits so call or text me or Don to check.
Love,
Becca
Comments (17)
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Glad to read that you were able to sleep well. Just one comment.........I well remember my own internal argument about pain meds when I got home from my lung surgery. I do think there's a 'middle way' with this, as I'm sure you know. All I would say is that I got a bit 'macho' about the whole thing..........and I got to experience just how unpleasant (and painful!) it can get when the pain does get ahead of you. It's not a good place to be, and I did come to understand what folks meant about there being more space for healing when you aren't in that 'hot' zone. So, my wish for you this morning is that you can easily and comfortably find the balance that works for you. I'm so grateful that you have so much support and love surrounding you, along with your own tremendous internal wisdom and resources. Sending blessings.
Another comment about oxycodine. I was on for two weeks following my knee replacement and was nauseous the whole time and lost 6 pounds. Do not let the constipation get ahead of you; for me it was worse than the knee surgery pain. If the prune juice doesn't do it, be prepared with glycerin suppositories and a Fleet enema kit. Sorry to be so blunt but the medical establishment did not adequately warn me. Aren't you glad that constipation may now be the biggest problem you have to deal with?
Yea, the pain meds conundrum gives "centering" a whole new meaning. What's the "center" between hurting too much and suffering too much from blocking the hurting? Great to see you writing through the oxy haze!
Wow, you are amazing, all of you. I'm glad you are doing well and breathing every moment. Interesting take on pain. I'm less of a mindful practitioner and more of a how do I stay on top of the pain... but so good to know there are different windows. Much love and healing energy, Debbie Stahl and Richard Auerbach
I'm w you on the whole pain meds, after my surgery a few weeks ago. I, too, was told stay ahead, but after a day in la-la land, I moved to Tylenol. It was a test of letting go initially & then again afterward - great exercises to just let our minds be ...
Glad to hear that you are recovering well!
Wow You are amazing
You go girl! On every front. As a veteran of way more constipation than anyone should experience, I sing the praises of Miralax. Much more pleasant than enemas or pills and very effective, at least for me. Also, as a veteran of breast reduction surgery (gosh, just letting it all hang out here), I was surprised by my own feelings of grief for my lost cells. It was quite visceral for me and also pretty fleeting. You've already done lots of wonderful work here and will likely have your own unique response, which I validate with love and reassurance. All the feelings are the right feelings.
Much love and continued healing to you...<3 <3 <3 <3 <-- supposed to be hearts although sometimes to me they look like sideways buttocks -- take them any way you want ;-) xxx
Much love and continued healing to you...<3 <3 <3 <3 <-- supposed to be hearts although sometimes to me they look like sideways buttocks -- take them any way you want ;-) xxx
Great to see ya online!! You can be oxy woozy with us. We will enjoy readying anything you tap out. If you keep ahead of the pain, your body can relax more I think. It's OK if ideas and observations come and go for now. Celebrate!
ahh sleep! what a miracle it is: ) I am so glad you have slept and are doing what you need to manage the pain, sometimes being mindful gives us more choice to deal with it as we will:) you are a star in this world and I am so grateful to know you and get to share some steps on this path. much love to you Becca, and a thorough recovery
Wonderful news about the surgery and your recovery process. So glad you were able to come home so quickly. I'm seconding and thirding Nina's recommendations about Mirilax because it keeps stools soft even when your intestines are slow to move things along. As my Dr said before my surgery last year, keeping ahead of both the pain and constipation speeds healing. May your recovery continue with ease as all of you are surrounded by love.
Wonderful to hear how you're doing, and so glad you could sleep! The pain question is challenging but it sounds like you are finding your way in your own mindful fashion. You are amazing. Sending loving wishes, Sonia
Becca, Your heart and tenacity and mindfulness practice shows! Our hearts are with you, sending our love and healing energy to you . I agree with Carol in an earlier comment: stay on top of the pain as the constipation can be worse than pain itself (I, too, had knee surgery a couple of years ago and found her comments spot on with my experience too). Much love, Chris
I'm glad to hear you're back at home. I smiled when I read about your internal argument over how to deal with the pain. It's very "you" of you. I'm sending all the strength that I can that will fit through the computer screen. aaron