Chipping away at it

Today I decided it was past time to tackle the blockade of ugly ice and snow at the end of our walkway to the street. After having to drop Sam off at the corner to get him into our house for dinner and a movie last night, and with temperatures predicted to plunge well below zero again later today, it seemed like a good way to start the day (well, after some pilates and breakfast). As I chipped away at the frozen foot-and-a-half-high, foot-deep mass of ice left by the plow, I mused about how this is like other projects in life. I’m going to insert my reflections on relationships to other projects in brackets here. [Like this].

For a while, I’d been avoiding tackling this job. [Procrastination]. First, I thought I’d successfully delegated it to the person we hired to clear the walkways. But then the city decided to do some extra work on the edges of the street, piling snow and ice up again well after she came to remove the snow, and she didn’t come back. Then for a while I was hoping Don would take care of it. I considered suggesting he do so, but didn’t get around to mentioning it, and he failed to read my mind! [Unsuccessful delegation]. Finally after letting a 37 degree fahrenheit day go by and not doing it (which only solidified the blockade further) [procrastination makes some problems significantly worse!] and the experience with Sam last night, I decided to give up hoping someone else would do it, and do it myself. [Just do it!]

Now, this is the kind of task I actually enjoy – ever since I was a child spending hours of recess time digging away at the rotting stump in the school yard, I’ve noticed I get some kind of strange pleasure in this sort of slow, methodical, destruction. Even as an adult, if there is a border of a sidewalk with ice sticking out, and a solid stomp of my heel will break off pieces, I feel compelled to do so. Maybe it’s the same as popping the bubbles of the bubble-wrap (which I now restrain myself from doing, in order to be able to re-use it). It does feel a little like sculpting, or knitting, though those are producing something, rather than destroying /dismantling something. Maybe it’s the simple joy of seeing one’s efforts affect the world in a tangible way. [How can I remember this enjoyment more before tackling a task, to help me skip some of the procrastination? How can I make my less physical projects share this quality of intrinsic satisfaction?]

Despite my ability to enjoy the work, it was still a bit daunting, especially because I’d told Don I’d only spend a few minutes at it (we had a date planned for the morning). I got on my multiple layers (which turned out to be too many, given how fast I warmed up doing the work) and got a shovel and an ice hoe from the garage. [Assemble appropriate tools and materials]. Initially I thought I would aim to clear the whole end of the walkway. [Set a goal]. I proceeded to lift and drop/ram the ice hoe into it for a while, going back & forth across the width of it.

A few minutes into it, I stepped back, rested a moment, got the shovel to clear away the pieces I’d chipped off, and reassessed. [Rest, reflection, and cleaning up as you go can be important supports to any project.] Maybe, I thought, I’d just aim for a shovel-width opening, rather than the whole sidewalk width. That seemed more doable in the “few minutes” I’d assigned for the task. [Recalibrate goals in light of experience]. I reminded myself why I was doing it – so that Sam could get into our house, and so that when I arrived with groceries or other things to carry in, it would be easier and safer to do so. Yeah, I thought, a shovel-width would be sufficient for that. [Keep purpose in mind when determining outcome goals].

I unzipped my down coat and took off my scarf, put down the shovel and picked up the hoe to continue. I’d briefly tried to do the ice chopping with the shovel, which is plastic with a narrow metal strip at the tip, but it mostly just bounced off, and I was worried about bending or breaking it. [The right tools for a project are really important, and it’s important to take care of them when you do have them].

As the full difficulty of the task sank in, I did notice, fleetingly, that I felt grateful to have the health and strength to do it at all. I also wondered if the neighbors were observing this, and it felt like announcing my health to them! [What messages are we sending indirectly/unintentionally by the projects we choose to take on?] I also noticed how grateful I am to only have to do this work on occasion, and to have the financial and community stability to be able to pay someone else to do it much of the time. As I write this I am also noticing that I am grateful that the city cleared the street, even though it “caused” my plow-row “problem” in the process. [Gratitude, perspective, and a sense of sharing the work can make it feel lighter].

I also started to think, hmm, if I really want this gap that I’m creating to be accessible from the street, maybe I should buy a set of orange cones to stop people from parking right in front of it, the way my neighbor with a disabled household member a few blocks away does. [What concomitant supports may need to be put in place in order to make the current effort worthwhile?]

Eventually, I got most of the way down to the concrete on a shovel-width portion. I felt the pressure of Don waiting for me, so I decided to call it good enough for now [satisficing, taking into account the impact on others and the opportunity costs --what other goals am I sacrificing by spending more time on this one?]. I thought, if I have time I’ll come back out later in the day to widen it. [Pace yourself, do hard work in shorter stints]. I also decided to salt the portion I’d cleared to try to get the last ½ inch of ice, which was really solid, to melt. Given the temperatures, this might or might not work. While I was at it I sprinkled some salt on the parts I thought to shovel further later. [Experiment with more effective methods; use scarce/harmful substances in limited, strategic ways].

Finally, I noticed with satisfaction that not only had I accomplished at least part of my initial goal, but I’d also mostly drafted a blog post in my head while doing so. [Building reflection into a project so that you can notice lessons for the future can make the current task feel more worthwhile].

As I re-enter my work life more fully, and “chip away at” the projects on my plate, I hope to be able to keep blogging some, and to keep reflecting and sharing insights as I go. If I get around to it [impression management, under-promise so you can over-deliver] I might actually switch to a wordpress blog platform. Thanks so much to those of you who responded to my questions about tattoos and how my new shape lands on you. The feedback and ideas are really helpful!!