Megan's Sunrise

Today I'm dedicating my sunrise to my friend Megan Martin who lost her battle with cancer this past Tuesday. For those who did not know her, Megan was a skilled dancer, welcoming ambassador of Collegiate Shag who has made enduring contributions to the dance, as well as a thoughtful friend, who could light up the room with just a smile.

I was hoping for a big beautiful sunrise, with a great ball of fire rising in the center of a sky alive with pink, orange, and gold.  But as with life, sometimes things don't turn out the way you want them to.  You have to play the cards you are dealt.

I thought of Megan daily as I have been going through my cancer treatment, especially while sitting in the stillness of the early morning, awaiting sunrise. Wishing her well and healthy. I had hoped for that big beautiful sunrise this morning, because that is how I have come to think of Megan - bold, beautiful and bright, with a giant heart radiating warmth and kindness to those she knew. She was a real ray of sunshine in our dance community

I met Megan about 5 years ago at a Collegiate Shag dance round table discussion at a dance event called Hot Rhythm Holiday in Austin TX. As we went around the table introducing ourselves and explaining to the group how we became shag dancers, Megan told her story which involved another member of the discussion group with a dose of humor which made me think "she seems like a good egg".  At each of the following Hot Rhythm Holiday events Bill and I taught at, I got to know Megan a little better.  When she and Ryan became an item, I was so happy for them both, they seemed like such a good match. When I heard the news they were engaged, I was ecstatic that two such wonderful people had found happiness together.

I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer just a few months after Megan's diagnosis. She had already had surgery and had started chemotherapy.  Even during her own treatment, she thought to send me a care package of things that helped her get through chemo. She hoped some of those items might help me as well.  Her heart was big like that. I remember one day, when I had gotten discouraged about the horrible side effects I was having, she sent words of encouragement and reminded me not to let cancer define me or make me feel like it was taking everything from me.  I tucked these words in my pocket and they've been with me ever since. When things aren't going so well, I take them out as a reminder to keep on keepin' on.

Ryan and Bill have been talking weekly to support one another these past few months.  Even though many miles separate us, we consider each other close friends made closer by our similar circumstances.   When we heard the news Megan's cancer had taken a turn for the worse, we hopped a plane to go visit and say goodbye.  It was hard to see my friend so frail. I cherish the brief time we were able to spend together before Megan, with Ryan by her side, took her final trip to Florida to be with family.

Our last morning in Austin, I helped Megan pack and get ready for her trip. My heart was heavy, I tried my best to put on "my brave face" until we came to packing the outfit for her funeral.  How could someone so young have to think of this? My heart hurt and my eyes sprung a leak. How Megan kept her spirits up remains a mystery to me. She was so brave. The four of us shared a cab to the airport and visited at their gate until the last possible moment.  As I bent down to give her a final hug good-bye, she hugged me and whispered "you're going to beat this, you're going to be just fine. You got this". Knowing the fate that awaited her, she still had words of encouragement for me. I wished I could have told her the same.

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I have been thinking a lot about the frailty of human life, how fleeting it all is and how one's life can change so drastically, so suddenly.  I've thought of friends I have made around the globe that I've wondered if I'll ever see again. I have often said to myself I don't want to go without the people who have touched my heart knowing just how much their friendship has meant to me. So while difficult, I am grateful for our trip to Austin. I did not want the goodbyes we exchanged January after Hot Rhythm Holiday (when we assumed we'd all be ok and seeing each other soon on the dance floor) to be our final goodbye. I wanted Megan to know before it was too late that she had been a good friend, that I was glad to have known her, that I would miss her, that I appreciate all of her advice, encouragement, prayers and well-wishes, that I would not stop praying for a miracle for her to win her battle with cancer.

And so I dedicate this sunrise to Megan.

This morning's daybreak didn't deliver the picture I had envisioned.  I was blessed with something more... It was a awe-inspiring sunrise with beauty so fleeting it made me sad when it was over yet grateful I was present to witness it.  And I thought this is truly fitting.