I’m trying SO hard to be lazy. And while my husband may think I’m good at that (compared to him I certainly am), it’s not so easy. My house looks like a natural disaster hit it. Every time I stand up I want to start cleaning. But in bed, my brain doesn’t want to concentrate on anything productive (although I did just send a couple work emails in order to ward off the anxiety over the things I expected to accomplish this week) and yet I’m bored stiff. [...]

I never updated after my reconstruction surgery. Probably because I was doing so well and didn’t feel like dwelling on illness. My one drain was out within about a week. I resumed working from home on week 3 (rather, I tried but was thwarted by appointments and snow days). By week 4, I was in the office and went for a run!  This last week, I was tempted to bike to work but held off to be safe. Still, I ran a couple mornings and went to the gym one morning. I was all set to resume my bike commute this week![...]

Wow, I can't believe I haven't updated on here since October.  I am now just a few days out from the big reconstruction surgery.  On Tuesday, February 5, I will be getting some nice silicone gel c-cups, with a little fat grafting to help shape things.  (Fat grafting also means my doc will be sucking fat from my belly - woohoo!)  I don't look forward to being physically limited again, but I am ready to be done with this.  There is a good chance I will need additional surgery down the road to fine-tune the end product.  But that should be a more minor procedure with a faster recovery.  The estimate for recovery this time is anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks.  Nice big range, but I think my doc may be hedging her bets because I have a reputation for complications.  After surgery, I am not supposed to lift more than about 5 lbs  or to lift my arms over my head.  The practical implication is that I can't be left alone during that time period with my youngest, and most tantrum-prone child - yikes. He is too strong and his tantrums are too unpredictable and physical to manage under those circumstances.  That and not being about to run or bike will be the tough parts for the recovery.  [...]

It has been almost 2 months since I last posted!  And I can’t take the time to update you properly now. But I’ll try to sum it up:  I’m working full time again, but still have a lot of appointments. I qualified for a drug trial and fortunately it is not a blind trial - I know I’m receiving the study drug! Plus it’s one already approved for use in patients with metastasized breast cancer and the study is testing it in patients with early stage but high risk cancer (among other requirements). I have to deal with some extra side effects but I see this as an extra layer of protection on top of the ongoing meds I would get anyway.[...]

The first week was rough. I felt (and looked 😳) like a boiled and peeled tomato. I was using so much silvadene that at every prescription refill the pharmacist said it was too soon. But one thing the doc and nurses were right about - once my skin turned the corner, it healed quickly!  [...]

See those unicorn and rainbow cookies?!  Those are to celebrate being finished with radiation treatments! (Thank you Kantrowitz family.)

I wish I felt like a celebration. But I’m told that the effects of radiation are delayed so much that my skin will continue to get worse (and I assume also the fatigue) for another 7-10 days before I turn the corner and start healing. I’m already miserable, so I don’t look forward to what I’ll feel like a week from now.[...]

When I was a kid, I could always tell if I was sick enough to stay home from school if I felt guilt over asking to stay home. On a few occasions I would ask and mom would say, “okay, if you feel that bad, go back to bed.”  If I could not get back to sleep because of the nagging guilt, then I knew I should be at school and I would get myself ready to go. [...]

(1) See that pink in the photo above?  My radiated skin is a tad darker pink than that now. Ouch. I considered posting a modest phot with a peek at the edge of my radiation burn, but you don’t really need that for me to say it sucks.  I have only run twice in the last 2 weeks, and I may need to stop to avoid the irritation. I may need to work from home or work less soon, just so I don’t have to get dressed!  The worst part is under my arm where shirts and bras rub the most. I’ve found myself digging through drawers for the softest shirts I own and that I’m willing to potentially ruin with all of the calendula cream and aquaphor I’m slathering on my skin. [...]

I just typed a brilliant and witty post, providing a detailed but entertaining account of radiation so far. And then I lost it. 

Because I have a throbbing headache and came home to climb into bed after today’s treatment (instead of going to work), I am not going to attempt to remember what I wrote. The brief version is: I’m very pink, with a lovely tan line (aka radiation burn) under my arm. I’m becoming slightly uncomfortable from the radiation (tender, sometimes itchy), but for the most part just tired and having muscle and joint stiffness - likely leftover effects of chemo... or just the result of parenting two wild little boys in the summer heat and humidity 😎[...]

Marching and rallying for immigrant families, in my floppy hat for the shade, loads of sunscreen, a backpack containing 3L of ice and water and husband waiting for the bat signal to pick us up as soon as we had enough of the sweltering heat. [...]