Say thank you first, then research.

I think I have been spared so many of the cliched responses to a cancer diagnosis. People have been amazing. Tonight my friend, who is mom to my 6-year-old’s classmate, picked the boys up from their after school program, fed them pizza and kept them for an evening play date with her kids. No stressing over what to make for them for dinner, no leaving work early for my husband so he could manage drop off and pick up in one day. It was such a huge help. (I can only hope the boys remembered some of my pre-visit lecture about how to behave.)

Also today, we received 4(!) crockpot meals from Omaha Steaks packed in dry ice.  And tomorrow our neighbors are taking the boys for the day because there is no school and the husband has work.

We have offers of help out the wazoo (if you haven’t heard from me, don’t worry, we have a long road ahead!)  One very close friend who joined the breast cancer club a couple years ago has been sending me her leftover medical supplies, messaging regularly to check in and walking me (virtually) through so much of this process. 

But, sometimes offers or help come that are wonderfully kind but we have to say no thank you. Especially the advice kind. 

I love my mother in law. I love how she will speak to me in Korean so naturally, completely forgetting that I don’t understand more than maybe 5 words. I love how fiercely she loves my boys. I like that she refers to my husband as a hurricane when he comes in the door - I had not thought of that comparison until she told me and it is perfect. When she stepped in to help out the second week after surgery, she had no end to her energy.  She dropped off the boys off at school, walked to the grocery store, cooked meals of healthy proteins and mounds of vegetables, picked the boys up from school and fed them dinner  

She also brought Korean red ginseng tea for me. This stuff is pricey. It is precious. And allegedly a cure-all. I figured, what’s the harm - it’s pretty bitter but honey cuts that. I’ll drink her prescription of 1 to 3 cups per day (just one 😉). After about a week of diligently drinking my tea, I thought to do some research on the benefits of this red ginseng tea.

Oops. According to Memorial Sloan Kettering (you know, the super famous cancer center), you should not take red ginseng if:  “You have hormone-sensitive disease such as estrogen-dependent cancer (It is suspected, but not known, that Panax ginseng may have estrogen-like activity).” My cancer is Er+ (estrogen-receptor-positive).  Yep, it feeds on estrogen. So, no more ginseng tea here - sorry Halmi!  And maybe I should continue to research even the seemingly harmless advice 😬